Lost generations

The other day David Thompson wrote a post on an article in New York magazine featuring various women whose marriages have fallen apart and they’re blaming it on political differences with their spouses. But a perusal of the article and David’s commentary suggests perhaps these women are simply unsuited to long-term relationships, being as they are selfish, deluded, and insistent on making everything in their lives political. There’s also more than a hint of mental illness at work. Consider this from a woman in – you guessed it – Brooklyn:

I’ve been sexually assaulted and raped, but for a long time I didn’t identify in that way. I didn’t like the idea of seeing myself as a victim. It’s only recently, with the amount of coverage [sexual assault has been getting] that I’ve realized, Oh, if I verbally dissented, just because I didn’t fight someone off doesn’t mean I wasn’t assaulted and raped.

You didn’t realise you’d been sexually assaulted and raped until the definition was expanded a year ago by hardcore feminists to include any sexual encounter which is not supervised by two woke lawyers and a (female) high court judge. Now perhaps this woman was raped and assaulted in the traditional sense of the terms, but I rather think if this were the case she’d have realised it immediately, not at the advent of a political movement. And what’s the betting she knew and admired the guy who supposedly assaulted her? Oh, wait:

My husband and I have been together 14 years and I’ve mentioned it vaguely, but I’ve never given him details, partly because one of the guys is still in my life, and they’re kind of friends.

Her husband is “kind of friends” with a guy who raped her? Yeah, Trump’s really the issue here.

Recently we had some friends over for dinner, and we had an argument about whether this kind of trial by mob that’s happened in the press is unfair. My friends, a man and a woman, took the position that a man shouldn’t have his reputation ruined because of an allegation. I disagreed, and as the conversation kept going, I got upset.

There’s a school of thought, held by misogynistic dinosaurs, that women cannot handle robust debate and burst into tears when pressed on a difficult topic. There’s another which says emotionally unstable women make poor dinner party guests.

Finally I said that it’s obvious none of them had been sexually assaulted,

Ah yes, the Natalia Antonova approach to debating.

Later my husband told me he thought my intellectual points were good, but he didn’t respond to the emotional outburst I had.

I imagine he was deeply embarrassed.

But really, I wish he would feel like, Fuck those guysI want to punch them. How dare somebody treat the woman I love like this? I hate that happened to you. That’s what I’m looking for.

You want your husband to start punching dinner guests because they disagree with your view that men aren’t entitled to due process when accused of rape?

I mean, I wrote to the man who assaulted me, the one who’s still in our lives. He said he didn’t remember, and that it turned his stomach to think I’d been carrying around this thought about him, but he fell short of accepting responsibility.

As with so many of these cases, this woman needs psychological help. Instead she’s got pandering journalists from New York magazine.

Sticking with the topic at hand, here’s a letter to an agony aunt:

I feel like a ghost. I’m a 35-year-old woman, and I have nothing to show for it. My 20s and early 30s have been a twisting crisscross of moves all over the West Coast, a couple of brief stints abroad, multiple jobs in a mediocre role with no real upward track. I was also the poster child for serial monogamy. My most hopeful and longest lasting relationship (three and a half years, whoopee) ended two years ago. We moved to a new town (my fourth new city), created a home together, and then nose-dived into a traumatic breakup that launched me to my fifth and current city and who-knows-what-number job.

To be fair to this lady, she’s at least tried to settle down into a normal life. What I suspect is lacking is a serious investigation as to why her relationships have gone wrong, particularly those parts for which she’s responsible.

For all these years of quick changes and rash decisions, which I once rationalized as adventurous, exploratory, and living an “original life,” I have nothing to show for it.

If this describes the period in which she was in her successive relationships, it explains a lot.

I have no wealth, and I’m now saddled with enough debt from all of my moves, poor decisions, and lack of career drive that I may never be able to retire. I have no career milestones and don’t care for my line of work all that much anyway, but now it’s my lifeline, as I only have enough savings to buy a hotel room for two nights. I have no family nearby, no long-term relationship built on years of mutual growth and shared experiences, no children. While I make friends easily, I’ve left most of my friends behind in each city I’ve moved from while they’ve continued to grow deep roots: marriages, homeownership, career growth, community, families, children.

She at least understands she has a problem and, crucially, that her situation is a result of her own poor decisions. This puts her much further down the road to recovery than most women in her position. Now the advice she gets from the agony aunt us beyond useless, which is a shame because she still seems to be living in cloud-cuckoo land:

I used to consider myself creative — a good writer, poetic, passionate, curious. Now, after many years of demanding yet uninspiring jobs, multiple heartbreaks, move after move, financial woes, I’m quite frankly exhausted. I can barely remember to buy dish soap let alone contemplate humanity or be inspired by Anaïs Nin’s diaries.

Sorry, but this sounds like a middle-class whine that your dreams of becoming an artist never came to fruition, probably because of a dearth of talent and an unwillingness to knuckle down and learn a discipline. What this has to do with your relationship status isn’t clear, but my guess is living with anyone with this mindset would become tiresome very quickly.

The thought that pops into my mind increasingly often is that young women have been appallingly advised, and the horrific results of this are now being laid bare. The trouble is they are still being given the same advice, and many of them are listening. I’m sometimes accused of being misogynistic or sexist for what I write on here, or what I say in the classroom. Whenever my motivations are questioned I simply say I believe the advice being dished out to young women will leave them disappointed, bitter, and desperately unhappy later on in life. I’ve got nothing against women, indeed I’m rather  fond of them, and I’d much prefer to see them living happy, fulfilling lives. Unfortunately, they’re having their heads filled with third-wave feminist garbage by people who see them as expendable pawns in a never-ending political battle they can’t win. Even some women seem to be realising the damage the malign influence of modern feminism is causing:

I’m 50 years old with four college degrees. I was raised by a feminist mother with no father in the home. My mother told me get an education to the maximum level so that you can get out in the world, make a lot of money. And that’s the path I followed. I make adequate money. I don’t make a ton of money. But I do make enough to support my own household.

I want to tell women in their 20s: Do not follow the path that I followed. You are leading yourself to a life of loneliness. All of your friends will be getting married and having children, and you’re working to compete in the world, and what you’re doing is competing with men. Men don’t like competitors. Men want a partner. It took me until my late 40s to realize this.

And by the time you have your own household with all your own bills, you can’t get off that track, because now you’ve got to make the money to pay your bills. It’s hard to find a partner in your late 40s to date because you also start losing self-confidence about your looks, your body. It’s not the same as it was in your 20s. You try to do what you can to make your life fulfilling. I have cats and dogs. But it’s lonely when you see your friends having children, going on vacations, planning the lives of their children, and you don’t do anything at night but come home to your cats and dogs. I don’t want other women to do what I have done.

The crucial line?

Men don’t like competitors. Men want a partner.

The sooner young women understand this, and learn to balance their careers with their long-term life goals, the better.

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31 thoughts on “Lost generations

  1. Just read through this with my wife and she agrees with your points, which is more than she does with most of mine! seriously though you are always on the money with your posts about the trials and tribulations of ‘modern’ women, I’m a dinosaur thank Christ.

  2. I’m afraid that the troubles of women are facing as a result of feminism being thrust upon them is one of those things that going to take some sort of massive societal upheaval to right – ie things have to go to hell first before they’ll reset.

    Its just one of various other things assailing the general mass of the public at the moment – global warming, radical Islam, mass immigration, the failure of the NHS (in the UK). All these things have one thing in common – the masses know from first hand experience that they are losing out, but the elites are dead set on forcing them down their throat. Massive tectonic forces are at play here, Brexit and Trump are just the tremors. The further we go down the current road, the chances of some sort of Bastille moment increases. Of course it may be that the elites win – there have been plenty of failed revolutions over the centuries. But at some point something will erupt.

    Women do have a slight advantage here, they can rebel individually in the fight against feminism in a way the rest of us can’t against mass immigration for example. But it won’t be easy for young women to see the best path forward when all the voices are telling them to take another path.

  3. Jim–you are correct.

    Remember feminism was taken up by the scum of socialism to disrupt the already always fraught relationships between men and women and destroy the family which is the foundation of “bourgeois” society.

    It seems to be working as the scum of the left intended it to work.

  4. Closing half the universities would help. You only “need” a college degree tor an administrative job because all the other applicants have one.
    A student debt of $50,000 is not an aphrodisiac and if you quite sensibly put your social and family life before your work you never will pay it off.
    Meanwhile,the truly bright probably don’t need to go to uni at all. How many billionnaires could you name who bothered to graduate from Harvard?

  5. Aah, yes, the cult-like behaviour of falling out with your husband because he doesn’t hate Trump with sufficient fervour. It’s quite something to behold – fundamentalist totalitarianism from people who self-define as “liberal”.

    The older I get the more I soften my views towards mainstream Christianity – wouldn’t these ladies have caused less hassle and strife if they’d focussed their energies into mentoring to save souls and alleviate suffering within the Church rather than into partisan political screaming-level hatred? The Church provided an outlet for such things back in the day, and a lot of the vacuum its absence has engendered seems to have been filled with vicious politics.

  6. The older I get the more I soften my views towards mainstream Christianity

    Indeed. Chesterton was spot on, as always.

  7. I love that feminists expect men to fight their corner.
    This will fade as the overwhelming majority of girls will be brought up by mothers who have rejected feminism. The feminists will not have many children to bring up.
    It does seem to me that our so called elites have gone beyond or even against fact and reason on so many issues that they are increasingly vulnerable.
    Some time an ambitious sub-set of the elite will see that there is support for a revolution and lead one.

  8. “She didn’t realize she’d been raped until the cheque bounced.” Was the punchline of a joke from my youth. Women trade sex for influence, if she has sex with a guy who then ignores her, she’s been “raped” in the sense that she didn’t get the quid pro quo she was expecting.

  9. My husband and I have been together 14 years and I’ve mentioned it vaguely, but I’ve never given him details, partly because one of the guys is still in my life, and they’re kind of friends.

    ONE of the guys? Am I reading this right? There were multiple perpetrators, one of them is still friends with her husband? What?

  10. “…any sexual encounter which is not supervised by two woke lawyers and a (female) high court judge. “

    Now, there’s a kink worth the name!

  11. I’ve noted this before, but a “pre-sex contract” was a gag in Ally McBeal back in the day, the asian lady pulling out a clipboard in bed for her conquest to sign…

    How prescient that was…

  12. @Rob There was a time when an article about such people would have been a warning.

    It is rather disconcerting that such people seem to be being … erm… is “celebrated” the right word? Some journos really do seem to admire their fervor and fanaticism…

  13. Great stuff.

    Your sentiment about being rather fond of women AND not wishing to compete with them is very important to emphasize. As Ecks says this combative view of men from feminists quite deliberately obscures the fact that by far most men care for women, and vice versa.

    I’m having a baby daughter so until recently my interest in female nature and proper female advice has been theoretical. Now I soak it up with fervor since I’ll soon be responsible for shaping a woman in our modern era. It occurs to me that teaching her to view men as collaborators who by and large wish for her to be happy is as important as teaching her to avoid the ones who do not. Wish me luck… =/

  14. “But really, I wish he would feel like, Fuck those guys. I want to punch them. How dare somebody treat the woman I love like this? I hate that happened to you. That’s what I’m looking for.”

    The woman clearly doesn’t understand man rules. You don’t get into a bar fight simply because your wing man picked a fight with a dude out of his weight class.

    “I mean, I wrote to the man who assaulted me, the one who’s still in our lives. He said he didn’t remember, and that it turned his stomach to think I’d been carrying around this thought about him, but he fell short of accepting responsibility.”

    I think I’d remember having sex with a woman that was still in my life in some way. And even if I did, it would have been consensual, so my response would be along the lines of ‘I did no such thing. You’re out of your mind’. I sure wouldn’t take any blame for living inside her head that way.

    A man does not say he’s sorry:
    https://pushingrubberdownhill.com/2016/02/15/3rd-trait-the-modern-man-does-not-say-sorry/

  15. “The thought that pops into my mind increasingly often is that young women have been appallingly advised, and the horrific results of this are now being laid bare.”

    You said it. Another commenter said something similar before (I paraphrase): these women would be happier if they’d stayed in their hometowns, married a plasterer called Dave, and had a few kids.

    They don’t realise that few people are “passionate” about their jobs, and that lots (most?) of us put up with it for the sake of a better life / future for the family.

  16. Sam, good luck with the daughter, I’ve three (oldest 11)) you will love the experience and perhaps like mine did to me you will become a better more contented person.

  17. Two things:

    “Men don’t like competitors. Men want a partner.”

    That can easily be construed as being all men’s fault. Or the fault of all men. Or both.

    Mr Ecks

    “Remember feminism was taken up by the scum of socialism to disrupt the already always fraught relationships between men and women and destroy the family which is the foundation of “bourgeois” society.

    It seems to be working as the scum of the left intended it to work.”

    On the contrary: this nonsense will get bred out in a single generation. That’s what the whole article is about. 🙂

  18. this nonsense will get bred out in a single generation

    If only. The Left doesn’t reproduce via sex, it reproduces via propaganda. It’s a meme in the original sense (mind virus). Leftists don’t have to have their own children, they’ll indoctrinate yours. :-(.

  19. “The Left doesn’t reproduce via sex, it reproduces via propaganda”

    That’s an epic line. Love it.

    However [dons rose tinted glasses] I’m actually quite encouraged by the degree to which my teenagers can smell sanctimonious bullshit when they hear it. They know exactly what they’re supposed to say, but take the piss about it mercilessly when they get home. To some degree, the transparent nonsense of 3rd wave feminism type can’t survive because kids do actually have bullshit detectors and the ones who would not be able to escape doctrination at home aren’t going to be borne at all…

  20. @jabrwok

    Christ, that’s a corker (and sobering).

    Sam: congrats on the girl. Mine went 8 yesterday- and she’s changed me for the better. Worst thing is, I didn’t realise how much I had to change until she came along.

    My grandmother said that nobody’s a real man until he has a daughter. I think there is some truth in that.

  21. Not only that jabrwok, if we (as in the West in its entirety) don’t halt immigration and start promoting natalism, we’re toast anyway. (If any do have school age children, home-school for their sake. It’s legal and increasingly popular.)

    Here is an official government release recording ‘Percentage of Pupils by Ethnic Group, Borough’ in England from 2007 to 2015.

    White British Pupils As Percentage
    +——+———+———-+————–+
    |········|·England·|·Decrease·|·Inner London·|
    +——+———+———-+————–+
    |·2007·|···77.0····|··············|·····21.5·····|
    |·2008·|···75.9····|······-1.1···|·····20.6·····|
    |·2009·|···74.7····|······-1.1···|·····20.0·····|
    |·2010·|···73.8····|······-0.9···|·····19.3·····|
    |·2011·|···72.9····|······-1.0···|·····18.7·····|
    |·2012·|···71.8····|······-1.1···|·····18.2·····|
    |·2013·|···70.8····|······-1.0···|·····18.0·····|
    |·2014·|···69.8····|······-0.9···|·····17.8·····|
    |·2015·|···68.9····|······-1.0···|·····17.9·····|
    +——+———+———-+————–+

    The number of white British pupils in England is decreasing 1% every year; but that will accelerate as the BAME population becomes increasingly visible and White Flight occurs. (If the Eastern European enclaves are sensible, they will block immigration from the West as that White Flight will include the s**tlibs who caused the problems in the first place—s**tlibs are like locusts, they ruin a territory and then move on to the next and ruin that as well by pushing the same retarded s**tlib policies that ruined the place they just fled).

    As Mark Steyn repeatedly writes: ‘The future belongs to those who show up for it.’ And we’re exiting stage left.

  22. @The Pedant-General

    I’ve recently started doing some mentoring and Bible studies with some of the teenage lads at church. It’s been an interesting experience learning “teenage” lingo as of 2018 – one of the funniest aspects of which is the way they have adopted leftist idiot-speak in a manner which totally sends it up. For example, “triggered” now means “very mildly irritated”…!

  23. @sam
    Be the best example you can be. Kids learn by example.

    Show her what a real man, a loving father is. She’ll settle for no less in her life. (I have two daughters I can’t be more proud of).

    Draw firm boundaries. Mine were:
    1. I’m the king of this castle, this is my queen. What we say goes. We tell you to do something you do it.
    2. Never ever lie to us. However tough you think it’ll be to tell the truth, it’s nothing compared to what happens when we find you lied.
    3. If it’s on the floor when I cleanup, it’s in the trash. No exceptions.

    Sadly, it’s #3 that didn’t stick. All the females in my immediate family leave a debris field wherever they go. Only me and my son appear to be able to put things back where they belong.

    When they get to be teenagers, I change tacs. You can be anything you want, but you can’t be everything you want. You need to make good decisions, and not fuck up. No one is exempt from consequences.

    And guys are pigs until they are over 25 at least, and even then, they still may be. I know. I was one.

  24. As the father of a nine month old boy, are you teaching them anything about how they should treat the boys they meet? Cause remember girls in their teenage years as being bloody awful too……

  25. The woman clearly doesn’t understand man rules. You don’t get into a bar fight simply because your wing man picked a fight with a dude out of his weight class.

    Disagree.
    I’ll always back up a mate. Though if the odds are heavily against, ‘backup’ is probably be more likely to be trying to extricate from the situation.
    What is generally not advisable though is punching someone because they said something that slightly upset your woman…

    Though as far as I understand this deranged woman, she’s upset because her man didn’t punch the man who allegedly raped her, even though she hasn’t told him that she thinks it was this other man…
    So upset for him not reading minds.

  26. @drakkon

    “So upset for him not reading minds.”

    That, at least, isn’t a post Trump phenomenon. Women have been pissed about that for centuries.

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