A Product of Modern Feminism

What is it with modern women living in New York (it’s always New York) boasting about having meaningless, indiscriminate sex with strangers? Do they think it makes them sound edgy and cool, or do they think people might find it interesting? Here’s the latest that came to my attention by somebody going by the name of Mandy Stadtmiller:

I met two hot Italian pilots on the street, bummed a cigarette, and took them home for a night of sex, debauchery, and, well, the opposite of a marriage proposal.

Things spiraled out of control after that.

When I was at my most self-destructive, I was hooking up with drug dealers and answering ads on the Craigslist’s Casual Encounters section posted by strange men looking for “snow bunnies” (girls who did cocaine). All told, I fooled around in some form with a dozen men from the site. All told sexually, my number is not too far off from other New York women I’ve met — under 100, over 50 — but it wasn’t so much about quantity and more about total lack of quality.

One time, I posted online that I was looking for something akin to a sugar daddy. The first few guys that responded — before the ad was taken down because it probably sounded like blatant prostitution — all sounded like cops, and I chickened out. Another night I considered taking “100 roses” from a sad little man who posted that he was “looking for a girl to show off.” (One rose is code on Craigslist for one dollar.) I didn’t take the money he had laid out. Instead, we sat uncomfortably on the couch together watching “Apollo 13.” Before I got up to leave, I asked if he’d tell me his real name. He refused. What if someone found out?

A friend of mine, the notorious and often shocking comedian Jim Norton, once listened to me patiently as I described a night of doing coke and fooling around with an S&M couple before later meeting and sleeping with another stranger at 5 in the morning who had responded to my incredibly subtle posting on Craigslist entitled: “Need to get f–ked right now.”

Of course, modern feminism compels its adherents to not show the slightest bit of shame over this. For all men’s supposed promiscuity and penchant for endless one-night stands, how many over 30 ever talk about their past conquests, let alone write about them? They grow up and move on, but certain women carry their sexual history around like a badge of honour, only bizarrely the more shameful it is the more proud they are of it. And the point to this woman’s story?

I met a man at a comedy club who caught my eye. He looked like a private detective wearing a trim gray suit and a scowl.

At the very start of our date, I handed him a piece of paper with a list detailing all of my “Relationship Expectations.” I spelled out what I wanted, really forcing myself to think about it: I didn’t want to be cheated on. I didn’t want to be insulted. I wanted to be treasured and loved.

I expected the date to last two minutes because he was being given a list of emotional demands right away — like, before we even ordered. Instead, he read it over carefully and quietly while I sat in the coffee shop sweating bullets.

“I don’t know,” he said, and then a smile broke through, “this all seems fairly reasonable.”

A stand-up comic (of course), my husband Pat Dixon proposed to me in under seven months. I got engaged on the last day of my thirties on the steps of Times Square.
This unlikely redemption tale is what led me to write the most difficult story of my life — my memoir, “Unwifeable” — as a tribute to anyone who feels trapped: in their past or the present, as the hero or the villain, as the wifeable or the unwifeable.

She found some omega male to marry her, and now she’s happy. That’s it. That’s the story, and she now thinks she’s in a position to give advice. The title of the post is:

My epic bender of drugs, booze and sex led to a happy marriage

Only she says her husband proposed in September 2015. This means she’s been married less than 2 1/2 years, a rather short time for someone who considers herself an authority on the subject, especially considering:

My first marriage in 2000 at the age of 25 ended in a messy divorce in 2005 (weeks before starting at The Post). And a lot of my self-hatred (and subsequent addiction) came from trying to suppress myself for other people.

What are the odds on another divorce and a subsequent relapse? What’s particularly weird is this woman isn’t some millennial, brainwashed by people who know only dating apps and online porn; she’s around 43, which is older than me. Something’s gone badly wrong somewhere, hasn’t it?

Share

36 thoughts on “A Product of Modern Feminism

  1. Brief summary: she was in a bit of a state then finally married someone who liked her.

    wow.

  2. The most striking thing about all of these stories is the desperation they have to tell everyone that they were right / are right / are good people / don’t care what you think / etc.

    It’s the sheer narcissistic insecurity of it all which really strikes me.

  3. Well I hope she and her chap are very happy together for the rest of their lives. Although he has a look in his eye which says “I know and you know that my wife used to fuck blokes for coke but please let’s not go there and break my life”.

    It’s hard to imagine how little respect for himself he must have to stand to see her slag memoir published.

  4. Nothing on the internet is biodegradable.

    Let’s hope they don’t have kids who later do the future version of a Google search on Mum, or worse, whose school friends do the future version of a Google search on Mum.

  5. “Of course, modern feminism compels its adherents to not show the slightest bit of shame over this.”

    It is shame they feel, though, isn’t it? When they were growing up, someone told them not to do this type of thing. Then another group of people told them it was good to do it, so they did it. Now they are wondering if the first group of people were right after all. They tell us, hoping that we’ll approve, but knowing that we’ll disapprove, and prepared to get self-righteously angry when we do.

  6. What Hector says, in spades.

    She’s not a millennial, but being into anonymous sex is not exclusive to them. The 1970s had swingers, the 1980s had suburban wife swapping, and so on. The scale of these activities has always been blown out of proportion, because taboo sex sells, especially when given a veneer of respectability for a lower-middle-class New York Post (equivalent of Daily Mail) readership.

  7. @ Billy Ockham

    My first thought was: “Cannot wait for the kids to google their mum at school”

    I don;t know if I’m unusual, but I’ve lived my life on the assumption that it’s probably best not to do anything you don’t want to end up discussing with the police, your employer or your kids.

    I’m curious as to why this lady thinks that this article will be a help in the long run.

  8. Tim

    You search the world to bring us the very best.

    And I agree, Google will be her scourge if the relationship works out and she procreates….. Maybe a bit old for that?

  9. Sailer’s Law of Female Journalism:
    The most heartfelt articles by female journalists tend to be demands that social values be overturned in order that, Come the Revolution, the journalist herself will be considered hotter-looking.

  10. They tell us, hoping that we’ll approve, but knowing that we’ll disapprove, and prepared to get self-righteously angry when we do.

    Yes, from what I can tell there is a tendency for spoiled or disturbed women to shun what society expects of them, and instead choose to go wild with sex, drugs, and booze telling anyone they come across how awesome their life is and how rebellious they are. Then it dawns on them slowly that their life is shit and they perhaps would prefer a normal life after all, but they can’t admit it to their peers, much less hold their hands up to friends and family and say “I was wrong”. This is pretty much where Laurie Penny is now. When they get a few years older they finally admit they want to settle down, but don’t want to admit they made terrible decisions in the past. They also find there are no decent men around, and their already-slim chances of finding one are reduced to approximately zero thanks to their colorful past which they want future partners to either overlook completely or approve of. This is where Katya, the protagonist of my book, is at.

    The reason this woman has written this article in the New York Post is because she thinks she’s hit the jackpot: she’s settled down despite her past, and thinks it is of no consequence at all. This is what all women in her position dream of doing. But my guess is she despises the man she’s with (nobody likes men with no self-respect) and the marriage will be over before too long.

  11. “Do they think it makes them sound edgy and cool, or do they think people might find it interesting?”

    Tim, given that YOU are always on about stories like this, it’s fair to say that there are indeed people who find it interesting, no?

  12. Gene,

    I don’t know many people who find their stories interesting per se. I find them interesting for what they say about aspects of modern society, but I doubt this is the intention of the author.

  13. Not so much a product of modern feminism as of an addictive personality. This is (if she gets that far) going to be recounted in an NA or AA meeting one day.

  14. Is there a sexaholics anonymous? Surely it would be well-worth joining, even if you aren’t a victim of this terrible affliction.

  15. “Things spiraled out of control after that.”

    It’s fair to say that things, generally, had spiralled out of control for this person a good while beforehand.

  16. It’s intriguing that “snow bunny” tends to mean either a girl who likes skiing or a white girl who likes black men. I had never heard or seen the cocaine link before. It is also intriguing that so many of you think that her guy must have low self-respect. Not everyone grew up in an honour culture. How many of you are Roma?

  17. “How do you write women so well?”

    “I start with a man – and take away reason, and accountability.”

    ~ As Good As It Gets

    At least some of this is the influence of the TV adaptation of Sex and the City, which glamourized being a slutty cougar to an entire generation of women. I always enjoy gifting a copy of the original book to fans of the show, as the book is quite starkly candid about the frequency with which the protagonist woke up on the floor of her bathroom hungover with vomit and semen in her hair.

  18. I always reckon a man who married a woman like this has mental issues himself and she’s the best he can do.

  19. I always reckon a man who married a woman like this has mental issues himself and she’s the best he can do.

    It’s a fair bet that any guy who genuinely doesn’t care either has no self-respect or isn’t into her very much at all.

  20. …it all came crashing down when I ran out of money and ran out of men. Moving back home to live with my parents at the age of 36 with less than $300 in the bank, I knew it was time for me to finally look at myself

    Ah yes, the bank of mommy and daddy. Of all the shameful and irresponsible behaviours she exhibited, this is the worst. Getting to 36 with no assets, no money, and no resources. Her parents must be so proud.

  21. Of all the shameful and irresponsible behaviours she exhibited, this is the worst. Getting to 36 with no assets, no money, and no resources.

    I’ve met a few like this. Conversely, the ones who became independent as soon as they could and then flipped things around and began to help their parents wherever they could *didn’t* go around shagging random Italians or go on cocaine benders.

  22. Interesting

    “Tim Newman on April 12, 2018 at 7:26 pm said:
    I always reckon a man who married a woman like this has mental issues himself and she’s the best he can do.

    It’s a fair bet that any guy who genuinely doesn’t care either has no self-respect or isn’t into her very much at all.”

    Classic honour culture, as in Roma. I come from another culture where my sense of self-worth derives from my achievements. What my wife or partner have done is very tangential to my sense of worth.

    Here the sense of worth seems to derive from the females you associate with. It’s a characteristic of South European peasant societies, the Roma,etc.

    Do you fight people whose cars are the wrong colour?

  23. The guy who wrote this

    she’s the best he can do

    Is hilarious. And Tim’s response shows how little life experience he has. To be fair, this is what his blog is about. Kudos for cutting through the honour culture to dare to show your inadequacies. Not many macho men in a non-macho culture would dare to share their lack of attention to this side of life. This is not the 1950s, guys!

  24. Let’s turn it around. If your sense of worth depends on your partner, what does that say about your self-esteem? I find it hard to respect people whose lives are lived on the basis of being potential guests on “Loose Women”

  25. And Tim’s response shows how little life experience he has.

    Oh, son. Son, y’all are in waaay over your head.

  26. What my wife or partner have done is very tangential to my sense of worth.

    Hey, that’s fair enough but the idea a man’s self worth is only reflected in his choice of partner in Roma cultures is laughable.

    To address your main point, if a woman doesn’t respect herself, she sure as hell isn’t going to respect you.

  27. And Tim’s response shows how little life experience he has.

    Heh! Do you think it would have helped if I’d left my village?

  28. “What is it with modern women …”: if you keep writing like that the Daily Mail will hire you to write a Glenda Slag column.

  29. my sense of self-worth derives from my achievements

    A reasonable sentiment, but surely the achievement of finding and securing a good life partner is rather significant? An awful lot of people cite it, often in speeches at their wedding.

    And I doubt there are many cultures where hitching oneself to a narcissistic self-obsessed skank (of any gender) doesn’t lead to a societal wince at the very least.

  30. And I doubt there are many cultures where hitching oneself to a narcissistic self-obsessed skank (of any gender) doesn’t lead to a societal wince at the very least.

    Indeed.

  31. > the book is quite starkly candid about the frequency with which the protagonist woke up on the floor of her bathroom hungover with vomit and semen in her hair.

    Happened to me a lot, even though I was sure I went to bed with a woman. Always hoped it was my semen.

    >I always reckon a man who married a woman like this has mental issues himself and she’s the best he can do.

    If he’s a comedian then he’s probably pinching himself that he somehow managed to meet a halfway-normal woman on the comedy circuit.

    > Of all the shameful and irresponsible behaviours she exhibited, this is the worst. Getting to 36 with no assets, no money, and no resources.

    Is all that okay if you’re a novelist? Asking for a friend.

    >*didn’t* go around shagging random Italians or go on cocaine benders.

    They way you phrase that, Tim, I’d almost say you think it’s a bad thing. (But the ‘Italians’ bit, sure.)

    >Do you fight people whose cars are the wrong colour?

    I fight the cars themselves. That sulky blue Mondeo was looking at me all funny, so I taught the metal bastard a lesson.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *