Paul Maul

Staying on much the same topic (no doubt to the disappointment of my more sophisticated readers), a Kiwi reader sends me this article:

A Kiwi woman who married her Bumble match on the first date has split from the man two months later so she could return to a polyamorous lifestyle.

Sarah Elliott, 34, a nanny in the UK, matched with lighting technician Paul Edwards, 37, on the dating app on December 15 last year.

Aw, how sweet!

After the wedding, Elliott, of East Sussex, revealed her love of BDSM and fetish parties, the Daily Mail reports.

Ah. Not so sweet.

The dominatrix told the newspaper how she moved her then-husband Paul Edwards into her flat after they got married – which she shared with two ex-boyfriends also called Paul.

As the weeks went by she tried to introduce Edwards to the fetish community but claims he found it too difficult and was often jealous.

I expect he was told he was being “judgmental” and it was his fault for not being open-minded enough. To be fair it is his fault, but for being an idiot and marrying someone he didn’t know, not anything else.

At first the three Pauls got along, she claims, but rows quickly started and the situation got out of hand.

In an effort to work on their strained relationship the couple went to a sex party at the Torture Garden Club.

This is like an alcoholic trying to overcome dependency by going to the Munich beer festival.

But she says, Edwards was unable to contain his jealousy and things deteriorated further.

Despite another reconciliation bid at a sex party at Le Boudoir in central London, Edwards eventually moved out.

I don’t suppose they tried just talking it out in their living room, did they?

Another of the Pauls also moved out, leaving Elliott struggling financially.

I’m amazed other aspects of this woman’s life are a complete sh*tshow.

Elliott set up a dating profile with OkCupid in May and is already seeing a 29-year-old and a 27-year-old at the same time, she told The Sun.

As I’ve said before: go long on 1) those who hold the patents on anti-depressant medicine and 2) cat manufacturers.

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27 thoughts on “Paul Maul

  1. “The father-of-two had moved from his flat in Chichester, West Sussex, to be with her, but things didn’t work out.”

    Maybe his kids didn’t like the Torture Garden either?

  2. Reconciliation bid at a sex party.

    Did they divorce over who owned the video rights?

  3. If Elliott is still struggling financially, perhaps she could ask her friends for a whip round?

  4. Kiwi readers and others, stop sending Tim these polyamory articles. He is obsessed and you are not helping him. Send him stories about sheep blocking a highway or something harmless like that instead. It’s not really his shtick but once he’s thought of the funny headline pun he won’t be able to resist.

  5. Send him stories about sheep blocking a highway or something harmless like that

    I’m from Wales and you want Kiwis to send me sheep stories so I won’t write about dodgy relationships?

  6. “I’m from Wales and you want Kiwis to send me sheep stories so I won’t write about dodgy relationships?”

    Those would be comparatively healthy relationships, so long as you delayed gratification and remained faithful to the one beast.

  7. Those would be comparatively healthy relationships, so long as you delayed gratification and remained faithful to the one beast.

    You’ve been a baaaaad boy and you mutton do it again!

  8. I’m from Wales and you want Kiwis to send me sheep stories so I won’t write about dodgy relationships?

    He didn’t say a polyamorous sheep!

  9. Very odd, in most cases it’s one thug guy controlling multiple women.

    That actually hasn’t been my experience, although admittedly my experience is limited to the Toronto-area and California poly communities.

    In those areas, multiple pug-ugly, overweight and/or indifferently-employed men orbiting a single woman who usually rates around a 4-5 is the norm. It’s not hard to understand the dynamic going on there.

  10. The Google ads I’m seeing spread within this post are all for “Top London Divorce Lawyer”. I don’t know if that’s because of the subject matter or because of something Google has noticed while spying on me.

  11. I’m surprised ewe haven’t been lambasted by a flock of feminist sheeple, Tim.

  12. @Bardon

    Maybe his kids didn’t like the Torture Garden either?

    Look on the bright side. There would be absolutely NO arguments about homework, tidying their bedrooms up or going to bed at the right time … >};o)

  13. @Phil – “Look on the bright side. There would be absolutely NO arguments about homework, tidying their bedrooms up or going to bed at the right time”

    It beggars belief how you in a fatherly role model father son type situation could explain this to your oldest son Bruce.

    Bruce: Dad, what are you and mum up to tonight?

    Dad: Oh Jimmy and his Jisemites are coming over to look at some beta male porn, she likes that.

    Bruce: Will she be okay, some of them look a bit weird?

    Dad: Don’t worry I am on slops duty tonight and will stay up until they all leave.

    Bruce: Okay, goodnight dad.

    Dad: Goodnight.

  14. There was a time when respectable Kiwi girls in London, aka ‘a mattressback’, only shagged one guy at a time, abet in quick succession, and didn’t make any great claims about it being a legitimate alternative lifestyle.

    Now it seems the bulk ordering approach is the way….

  15. “Respectable Kiwi girls”

    When it comes to matters of bonking, they are about as selective as measles.

    Ask me how I know … >};o)

  16. I suspect this is hugely embellished and a cynical move by one of both parties for some reason.

    Why would you go to the press about this without some ulterior motive?

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