An Autopsy of a Relationship

Once again Natalia Antonova provides a thread on her marriage which is worth looking at more closely. Key points:

There are two ways to look at this. Either this person was, as Antonova claims, a religious nut who is somehow benefiting personally from this intervention; or she is disappointed that she left her husband and is concerned for the future of her child. Before I go any further, here’s how the kid is getting on with his now-single mother:

No cause for concern there obviously, especially anything which could be linked to a lack of father in his life.

Now it’s never nice to have someone poke their beak into your personal affairs, especially over emotional issues such as relationship breakdowns, but on the other hand it can be extremely useful to have someone tell you what you might not want to hear. I am fortunate enough to have always had close friends who have no qualms about telling me what I don’t want to hear, although happily they rarely have to these days. However, one thing I’ve noticed about many women is they don’t take blunt honesty well, and in my experience they choose their friends based on their co-opting the narrative of the woman in question; anyone who queries it is cast into the wilderness forever. This is especially the case following the breakdown of a friendship or romantic relationship.

So someone who witnessed the breakdown of Antonova’s relationship expresses disappointment in her actions and suggests she may be doing the wrong thing. At this  point I’m left with a choice between this person being a psychopath who wants to see Antonova abused some more, or Antonova’s situation being less extreme than she’s making out. Which is more likely, do you think? And is “very skillfully shamed me” simply another way of saying “she told some uncomfortable home truths”? At the very least, unless this woman is a complete nutter (who Antonova was happy to have in her life before the breakup), one would think this would give her pause for thought. But no: the modern feminist way is to adhere to the narrative at all costs, amplifying it in public while purging all dissenters from their lives.

Now when a couple split up there is always fault on both sides. It might be heavily stacked on one or the other, but there is always some on each side. Always. I know a fair few single mothers, and when I speak to them about their separations they are generally quite even-handed about it. Much of the time they say there were compatibility issues, and while they always say their ex-husbands had faults they never deny the situation was “complicated”, and took some time to develop. Even those who have reason to be angry and bitter remain reasonably objective, preferring to concentrate on their futures and those of their children than dwell on the past. On the other hand, I’ve met divorced women who even years later described their ex-husband as a monster who made her life a living hell, and you wonder how on earth they entered into a relationship with such a person if even half of what they’re saying is true. For example:

On one occasion I happened to get an ex-husband’s side of the story and unsurprisingly it was rather different. Now I couldn’t be sure who was telling the truth, but if you have one person saying they’re completely innocent and the other saying there was fault on both sides, who do you believe? However, any suggestion that perhaps there was fault on both sides, or there are several perspectives on the situation, was met with howls of outrage that I was blaming them or saying they deserved what happened. Again, any dissent cannot be tolerated by women whose entire life depends on the narrative being upheld.

Yes, there’s no room for self-reflection or listening to third-party views on what went down: the important thing is to surround yourself with people who tell you what you want to hear. If the goal is to ensure you’ll never enjoy a lasting relationship in future, this is a good approach.

The only thing which will survive such “solidarity” is whatever delusions these women are labouring under. As advice goes, it’s pretty self-serving.

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13 thoughts on “An Autopsy of a Relationship

  1. She sees her ex’s malevolent will behind arguments she doesn’t like:

    “…persistent harassment from an abuser’s flying monkeys…
    Not everyone is in a place to withstand this kind of manipulation.
    …his or her enablers will aim to make life difficult for you.
    Though at the same time I also wondered if she had been in touch with my ex.
    Abusers have their foot soldiers…”

    She views her own emotional reaction as the purpose behind her friend’s behavior:
    “She very skillfully shamed me for doing so.
    Using highly manipulative language…
    …aim to make life difficult for you.”

    And she finishes off with this:
    “Solidarity is survival.”

    I wonder if we might not have a touch of narcissism and paranoia here. The last line especially suggests narcissism. Solidarity – meaning me not having to hear any opinion which contradicts how I perceive myself – is equated with survival.

    And she displays formidable survival techniques. She casts doubts on her friend’s motives, so she doesn’t have to address her arguments. She suggests her friend is being manipulated. She focuses on her own reaction rather than the substance of the argument. And if it turns out she agreed with a statement she would now rather deny, why, she was exposed to manipulative language, and not everyone can handle that.

    If there is a touch of narcissism here, I’d say it predates any espousal of feminist ideology. But I’d also say the ideology is an attraction for people of this sort.

  2. I suppose I’m naive but I never understand how women “suddenly”discover that their husband is a drunk or a substance abuser (or physical abuser, for that matter). What was he doing before they got married? There were no signs?

  3. Druggie marries leftist bitch.

    Apart from the misery heading the kids way–see the photo–the spouses deserve each other.

  4. What was he doing before they got married? There were no signs?

    Oh no, in my experience that’s half the attraction. The women hook up with bad boys and then complain bitterly they’re acting like bad boys. They’re dim enough to think a wedding is going to change them.

  5. I have to wonder about the sanity and wisdom of any man who reads Antonova’s tweets and concludes she’d be a good mate for him. She must be really narrowing down her potential partner pool by posting all these scribblings.

  6. On the psyopath thing you might be over stating the pathology.

    I am lovely and wouldn’t mind if she suffered some more.

    I suspect that kid will be a coronial case by 35, suicide or drug use place your bets!

    Actually that would be an awesome business betting on people fucking up. It would be great.

  7. They’re dim enough to think a wedding is going to change them.

    “A woman marries a man thinking he’ll change; a man marries a woman thinking she won’t.”

    The Magic Vagina is a recurrent theme in a ton of women’s romance and similar fiction: the notion that the female protagonist’s super cooter will magically tame the alpha male bad boy and turn him into a doting, perfectly monogamous husband and father.

    While it would be simple to blame the kind of trashy pulp that women consume as entertainment, I think there’s a chicken and egg problem here. That trope wouldn’t be so common if it wasn’t speaking to subconscious fantasies that are already there.

  8. So I’m reading:
    Substance abuse – likes a spliff at the weekend
    Erratic behaviour – won’t let me do as I please

    And the friend rightly concluded this was grounds for a barney, not a divource.

  9. I think there’s a special place in hell reserved for people who;
    1. Use kids as leverage in divorces (Natalia – tick)
    2. Plaster their kids all over social media in pictures they may regret as adults (Natalia – tick)
    3. Think that divorces are zero sum games and they are blameless (Natalia – tick).

    What’s that quote by Bertrand Russell about certainty being for fools and fanatics…..

  10. She must be really narrowing down her potential partner pool by posting all these scribblings.

    She’s certainly narrowing them down to the white-knighting betas who hang around her timeline, waiting to pounce on anyone who doesn’t show sufficient deference to their princess.

  11. Plaster their kids all over social media in pictures they may regret as adults

    Good point.

  12. Jesus that poor lad is utterly fucked. If he makes out to be anything other than a deeply-damaged and fucked-up individual it will be a miracle.

    It is the sort of situation that is usually only rescued by an influential teacher or sports coach ie a strong male role model. Can’t see his deranged mother standing for that and such figures are increasingly being forced out of boys’ lives in any case.

  13. If he makes out to be anything other than a deeply-damaged and fucked-up individual it will be a miracle.

    That’s my opinion, too.

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