Six things young women need to know

This is actually pretty good:

Here are 6 things young women need to know about their future lives

Go on.

1. By the time you hit 30, the likelihood of your deciding that marriage and family—not career—is the most important thing in your life is astronomically high.

Yup.

2. Whom you choose to marry, not which career you choose, is the single most important decision you’ll ever make.

Uh-huh.

3. The quality of your marriage will have more effect on your happiness and well-being than anything else in life.

Indeed.

4. Divorce doesn’t solve problems—it creates new ones.

Probably true in many cases, possibly even most. There will be exceptions, though. If your husband is kicking the shit out of you, it’s probably best you don’t stick around. And this:

getting divorced will likely ruin you financially

If only that were true of women, we’d probably see a lot fewer divorces.

5. If you remarry, rest assured your new husband will have just as many warts as the first.

Yup. As someone wrote in a review of my book: “as you get older everyone has baggage. The key is whether people with different backgrounds can justify their decisions and create a compatible relationship”.

6. There are things you can do to strengthen your marriage so it doesn’t crash and burn.

A relationship takes work, particularly communication and compromise. A lot of people I’ve met don’t seem to understand this.

Trying to be a big shot powerhouse and still be a sane, loving and engaged wife and mother is futile. Those two worlds don’t intersect—they collide. They are in direct competition with one another, as Indra K. Nooyi, CEO of PepsiCo, courageously admitted in 2014.

I recently listened to a Freakonomics podcast with Indra Nooyi, and she came across very well. She appears, at least to me, to be a genuinely successful female CEO and deserving of the post, not one just parachuted in to please the diversity department. Whereas this:

Each to his own, but I’d be a lot prouder if my partner’s promotion didn’t come about as a result of a gender parity pledge. If I was a woman who genuinely deserved to be elevated to partner, I’d be absolutely livid at this.

Anyway, back to the list. Can you imagine what a list of 6 things young women need to know about their future lives would look like if it were compiled by the BBC, Guardian, or Laurie Penny? It would pretty much fisk itself. That’s why I found this lady’s post rather refreshing:

And finally, because at the end of the day it is our relationships, not our jobs, that matter most.

Well said.

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11 thoughts on “Six things young women need to know

  1. “If I was a woman who genuinely deserved to be elevated to partner, I’d be absolutely livid at this.”

    This is the oft-overlooked truly poisonous effect of gender politics. And yet it doesn’t seem to concern enough people to count for anything.

  2. What irks me about the have-it-all feminism is that this list you shared is pretty much good for everyone, not just women, and yet is fundamentally denied by feminists. Relationships and your family ARE more important than reaching middle-management in a giant corporation. Whom you choose to marry is more important than career choice. There are trade-offs associated with focusing on a career and most peoples careers don’t reach high enough to make their sacrifices worth it.

  3. What irks me about the have-it-all feminism is that this list you shared is pretty much good for everyone, not just women

    Good point.

    There are trade-offs associated with focusing on a career and most peoples careers don’t reach high enough to make their sacrifices worth it.

    I was at university with the daughter of one of Britain’s most prominent CEO at the time; his relationship with his children was distant, and he was divorced.

  4. The great feminist illusion is that getting to the top does not require vast amounts of effort, sacrifice and intelligence. This is compounded by the second illusion, and that is that in order to stay at the top, all there is is vast amounts of efforts, sacrifice and intelligence.

    The power-skirts think they just get a golden ticket and take home the winnings and prestige with little more work than posing for a few photos to accompany a puff article in the Huffington post..

  5. Just arguing for the sake of it but it could also be stated that ‘whom you choose NOT to marry is the most important decision you make in your life’. For some women the marriage options that are available may not be palatable and focussing on their careers may be a better bet. Furthermore, as is set out further on, whilst marriage is a good thing if made to work, plenty of people (most) can’t make it work for one reason or another. This is a good reason not to take a punt on marriage.

    Also, I don’t agree that all of these rules hold true for men as well. Focussing on your career, at least early on, is a good route to getting a good wife. No matter how charming and good looking you are, you get plenty of minus points for having a dead end job at a low salary.

    A similar argument can be made in respect of having children. I feel blessed that I have two pretty bright young girls. But if you have a child that is permanently unwell, or just a bad attitude, that is a whole lot less fun.

    This is not to say that people don’t have their priorities right, for achieving maximum happiness.

    Statistically it is probably best to go for a middle of the road option. Get a decent job but not one that demands that you spend all your time on it. Get a good husband/wife if you can, if not then try and cultivate long term relationships.

    [Happily married (well I am – not sure about my wife) and 2 kids]

  6. Also, I don’t agree that all of these rules hold true for men as well.

    They don’t. The pernicious equalitarian fallacy that men and women want the same things and are motivated the same way is the cause of most of the sex war-related ills in the West.

    Men are hunters, women are gatherers. Men will be much happier in a challenging job where they get to accomplish things than a woman will be, and a woman will be much happier with a cosy home and children/grandchildren than a man will be. Complementary, not the same.

  7. The woman in the middle bottom row is the one who gets the pussy pass. I picked her just from the photos as the most likely to be the makeweight, and reading their biogs on the press release, you can see the other two women have similar sorts of rosters of clients as the men do. She has two clients listed. Thats the best they could do, when the others have a minimum of six listed.

  8. I wonder what the male/female ratio is in the cohort the new partners are picked from. Not 50:50 I bet. Younger agents might be skewed to women but then some discover the hours and methods to rise up are not to their liking. The men simply don’t realise they won’t make it and plough on. This potentially means the field of potential partners is skewed to men. And yet they still have to pick 50:50 men:women. Yeah. That won’t affect the quality…

    In my place of work we have some very good 30ish women in “senior manager” jobs. They can do the work but their broader staff management experience is weak. Yes they can do transactional stuff very well but inspiring and leading? Nah. I bet something similar is going to happen to this organisation and the big, male and female, earning partners will be off to a new home once their pockets are not as bulging as they could be.

  9. They don’t. The pernicious equalitarian fallacy that men and women want the same things and are motivated the same way is the cause of most of the sex war-related ills in the West.

    Normally I agree with you, Daniel Ream and morsjon, but for most of this list (as it is about what’s important in life and maintaining your family) I really don’t think the sexes do vary that much. You may say that a man uses the career to get a wife (and then keep one) but the need to have a family to pass on genes is still the driving factor, therefore the most important part. Separately we are social animals. We need companionship. When you look back at the times that made your life they are unlikely to be career based but they are likely to be family based (or at least relationship based). This list is about that realisation.

  10. Fallacy of the excluded middle. Of course men want family (the men that want family are the ones that pass on those genes, after all), I’m simply stating that the priority they place on family vs. career is driven by biological imperatives, and women and men are at different points, on average, on that spectrum.

    There’s also ample observational and neurological evidence that men do not emotionally bond with their mates and offspring as strongly as women do, and that women do not derive as much satisfaction from mastering challenging tasks as men do.

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