Dating, New York Feminist Style

My research assistant sent me this article in Elle magazine, which asks a bunch of women who, to me, all seem the same about dating in a “post-Harvey Weinstein world”.

Here’s a flavour of the responses:

I don’t just march misogynists into my life. My screening process is intense. I ask a lot of questions and try my best to carefully analyze the photos of anyone I meet. A sampling of inquiries include: What do you do? Where do you live? Where are you from? Who did you vote for? Do you have tree nut allergies? Etc. Still, when I add up all the dates I’ve been on this year, including the good ones, what I remember is: The casual racism, the constant interruptions, the arrogance, the insistence that he knows best about literally anything and everything.

So screening men with questions like “Who did you vote for?” lands you on dates with racist, misogynistic assholes? Heh. Want to tell us how they answered?

A date recently asked me ‘where I was from’ after telling me I had ‘an exotic look.’ When this kind of nonsense happens I cut it off right at the head. In response to this dude, I just went silent, too angry to even engage.

You’ve just told us you filter men by asking where they’re from. A man asks you the same question and you seethe with rage. As for the “exotic” comment? Well, so what? Some women like being called exotic.

I’ve blocked more guys from more means of communication than I can count over the last 12 months.

Which speaks volumes.

Woke bae is out there somewhere … I remember things that my own father would say years ago that he would never say now and that’s because he’s got two razor-tongued daughters that continually check him at any opportunity … at the moment, I don’t have a concrete solution for this problem and I also don’t have a boyfriend either.

I can’t imagine why.

For example, I was talking on the phone with the guy I’ve been seeing for a few months…he was subjected to a long rant about how such reports often fall on deaf ears, how reporting often creates more conflict in the woman’s life than in the perpetrator’s, how shame is dealt unfairly in such situations.

Lucky him.

To him, I’m a whole person, my own universe, rather than simply a satellite in his universe—a first for me in a romantic relationship. But recently, I’ve often struggled to maintain composure and openness while explaining things to him that every woman I know understands intuitively.

Even luckier him.

My litmus test was simple: casually mention scandals in the media and gauge his reaction.

This is on a first date. Can you imagine an actual relationship with this person?

But above all, don’t, absolutely don’t go back with a guy to his apartment unless you want to engage in some sort of sexual activity—especially with the guy you only went on two dates with who said you would just watch a movie.

Finally someone’s said something sensible.

The article illustrates one of the most bewildering contradictions in modern times: the feminist idea that modern women should be carefree, promiscuous, powerful, go-girrrl high-flyers as portrayed in Sex and the City, while at the same time:

To be safe, you must follow the rules: Don’t leave your drink unattended or accept a drink from man, because he may roofie it. Don’t make eye contact with the guy who catcalls you on the street—he’ll just see it as an invitation to talk to you. Remember that creepy old doorman who tried to ask you out after seeing you pass his building on your way to the gym each morning? You haven’t forgotten how uncomfortable that made you feel, and it’s been months.

I’ve reached the conclusion most of them are barking mad.

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38 thoughts on “Dating, New York Feminist Style

  1. Patrick,

    Yes, I wrote about them last week when the Guardian ran the story. What the Mail tells us, and the Guardian didn’t, is that the woman has since left her husband completely. In other words, she’s left her husband to shag around with younger partners. Would be nice to know what sort of article would be written about a man who did this.

  2. Women in London and New York are playing a foolish, high-stakes game. That’s where the alphas are, so they’ll get an alpha. And it is generally where the alphas are (in fields like banking). But there’s also an excessive level of man children too. Someone starting a popup ironic kebab shop or craft ale brewery.

    If they were honest with themselves, they’d look in the mirror, realise they won’t get an alpha and move to Milton Keynes and get a good man. Instead, they eventually end up with a man child. Which is why London women are all so mad.

  3. “Woke bae is out there somewhere”

    This sounds like a strap line for a really bad Star Wars movie.

  4. Her: “Tell me, how did you vote?”

    Him: “What is this votin’ of which ye speaketh?”

    In other words, good catch. The man has old-fashioned values.

  5. Looks like sex workers are really gonna mint it further down the line.

    I would prefer to pay for an hour or two of skilled and friendly obligation-free sex than try and have a relationship with a woman like that.

    Who da f*** does she think she is? And what the hell does she think she has to offer me?

  6. I remember things that my own father would say years ago that he would never say now and that’s because he’s got two razor-tongued daughters that continually check him at any opportunity

    And her father’s wishing he’d had that vasectomy instead of procreating.

    Lucky him.

    My word, she really does sound like a catch, and it’s not at all clear why she’s having such trouble finding Mr. Right….

  7. $10 bucks says that these women have more sex with ‘gee, I don’t know how that happened, it all went so quickly’ guys than ‘I was instantly turned on by his support for BLM’ guys. No wonder the latter kind are bitter as hell.

  8. $10 bucks says that these women have more sex with ‘gee, I don’t know how that happened, it all went so quickly’ guys than ‘I was instantly turned on by his support for BLM’ guys. No wonder the latter kind are bitter as hell.

    One of the conundrums I threw into my book is that the female protagonist insists her boyfriend thinks like X, yet she has spent a decade in the exclusive company of men who think like X but hasn’t found anyone she likes, and is now trying to date in very different circles.

  9. Most heterosexual women in my experience like dominant men – not violent dickheads but men who know what they want and are going to get it. Most of all they like to be the ‘it’, and they like the guy to give them a good and regular workout in bed to knock the sillies out of them. Those who deny themselves at least a shot at this never get the sillies removed, and so they end up bitter and frustrated, and eventually go mad. They’re more likely to deny themselves if they believe the shit you quote, and men are not going to bother with them, so they end up with no one or with a 10st guy who knows every type of coffee in their local artisan cafe but is utterly incapable of fucking their brains out, and thus more likely to be mad.

    Good luck with the book by the way, I’ll order a copy.

  10. Most heterosexual women in my experience like dominant men – not violent dickheads but men who know what they want and are going to get it.

    Perhaps not dominant, but certainly decisive. At least, when there’s a crisis of some kind, the bloke steps up and fucking deals with it with a minimum of fuss.

    Good luck with the book by the way, I’ll order a copy.

    Thanks!

  11. Hi Tim, just wanted to make sure – you have no objections if I mention your blog in a review on amazon, right?

  12. Hi Tim, just wanted to make sure – you have no objections if I mention your blog in a review on amazon, right?

    Not at all!

  13. I tell my teenage nephew to give women who identify as feminist a wide birth because they are trouble. Of course, the lad fancied a girl who was left wing but I explained he was experiencing hot but crazy dilemma many of us males go through. It all worked out, he started to date a pleasant girl and he avoided wackadoodle harpy.

  14. what I remember is: The casual racism, the constant interruptions

    I expect one interruption would have been enough. She sounds like a right ****.

  15. “Do you have tree nut allergies?”

    What the actual fuck?

    Quite. I’m not even sure whether “yes” or “no” is supposed to score highly there, the question is so bizarre.

  16. I developed an allergy to Brazil nuts in middle age. It’s a particular enzyme that’s the problem apparently. And now I’m leery of hazelnuts too. Thank God for almonds and walnuts.

  17. @Dearieme – you sod. Almonds came up like a radiation burn on my skin-prick allergy test, but I love(d) them.

    Luckily I’m not allergic to them when thoroughly cooked, at least.

    Prior to the test I thought that nuts prickling your tongue and giving you heartburn was entirely normal. Apparently not though….. And it turned out it was that which caused me much nastier problems, which have not recurred since I cut nuts, almonds etc. from my diet

  18. Having tree nut allergies, like gluten intolerance or being vegan, is a special sign of being aware and sensitive and trendy.

    Crude deplorable oafs would never have tree nut allergies.

  19. @bobby – oh, we do, but we’d never describe them as “tree nut allergies”.

    Plain old “nut allergy” will do. And it would only come up in conversation if pertinent, such as a dish being served with nuts on.

  20. As a (slightly) crude deplorable oaf with a gluten allergy, none of your namby pamby psychosomatic so-called intolerances here I’ll have you know but proper man’s allergy with serious consequences I think, broad brush labels are wrong. A focussed one like ‘nutcase’ fits this girl perfectly.

  21. ‘Plain old “nut allergy” will do’: I doubt it. It’s probably used to distinguish nuts proper from peanuts, which are actually a bean.

  22. Looks like sex workers are really gonna mint it further down the line.

    SeekingArrangement dot com has been struggling lately under massive client traffic.

    I’m sure that’s not related.

    [Disclaimer: they’re one of my clients]

  23. “One of the conundrums I threw into my book is that the female protagonist insists her boyfriend thinks like X, yet she has spent a decade in the exclusive company of men who think like X but hasn’t found anyone she likes, and is now trying to date in very different circles.”

    Probably the same people who insist that Communism’s myriad failures stem from not having tried it correctly yet.

  24. On the plus side, the guy gets to work out on the first date that the woman is a screeching harpy, instead of finding out six month down the track.

    Ok, most probably persevere for the sex anyway, but at least they can make a rational decision about what they’re getting into.

  25. @Interested at 2-38. The condition is known as ingrowing virginity and can be developed post losing their virginity. It is a painful condition and the results manifest itself in the woman having more bats in the belfry than a cathedral.

    Me? I’m investing in cat litter and catfood producing companies and those that manufacture soft toys and cat houses/climbing thingies that they buy for their pampered pets.

    You know it makes sense.

  26. Me? I’m investing in cat litter and catfood producing companies and those that manufacture soft toys and cat houses/climbing thingies that they buy for their pampered pets.

    Nearly right, also add “dildo and boxed wine manufacturers”.

  27. My old man’s view back in the day was that it was not having babies that made women crazy. I don’t think it’s a lack of sex because I suspect these hapies do fuck and they’re lying about it. Women can be quite inventive about sex that “doesn’t count.” The craziness comes from denying the biological imperative.

  28. I don’t think it’s a lack of sex because I suspect these hapies do fuck and they’re lying about it. Women can be quite inventive about sex that “doesn’t count.”

    I dunno. My theory is:

    1. Promiscuous women don’t have as much sex as they make out due to their not having regular sex. Sure, they’ll get laid every Saturday night but they won’t get fucked on a Wednesday morning or Sunday afternoon.

    2. Really good sex comes once you’ve taken the time to get to know a partner, you’re completely comfortable with them, and you care about them enough to be attentive. Those that sleep around a lot – both men and women – miss out on this.

  29. I wouldn’t disagree with you, Tim, but nature doesn’t care if you had great sex, it cares if you had great children.

  30. These women are cursed with a hatred of men, while remaining heterosexual.

    The hatred is not natural, but stems from the corrupting influence of feminism; more women are steeped in its toxicity, having been taught by feminist teachers or saddled with feminist mothers. So we get large quantities of fucked up bitter women.

    It strikes me that the noodle-armed, man-bunned, male feminist is nature’s attempt to try to redress the balance and get Westerners to breed.

  31. I wouldn’t disagree with you, Tim, but nature doesn’t care if you had great sex, it cares if you had great children.

    Heh, fair point.

  32. I remember once upon a time people happily had relationships/friendships with people who weren’t exactly like themselves in every single respect.
    They might roll their eyes at an opinion every so often but they’d merely think “Oh, that’s just Pete/Mary” and change the subject.

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