50 Spent

Via William of Ockham, a tale of middle-age dating woe from that well-known city of love and romance: Paris Brisbane.

Brisbane mother Lorrae Carr says she has a good reason to lie about her age on dating apps.

The 51-year-old, who works in recruitment, says meeting a worthy match on Tinder when you are over 50 was like “finding a unicorn”.

There’s a lot going on here. Firstly her parents appear to have called her lorry car. Secondly, there’s the rather startling contention that a “good reason” for lying is advancing one’s personal interests. Thirdly, this woman works in recruitment: presumably she’s happy with people lying on their CVs if it lands them a better job. Finally, I suspect she is meeting plenty of worthy matches, but she is deluded as to her own attractiveness as a partner.

“The reason is once a woman hits 50 she becomes invisible,

50? Try 35.

I have done an experiment on this to prove it,” Ms Carr said.

“I posted identical photos and profiles, just changed my age by two years and got about five times the amount of responses as my younger self.

Woman discovers people use round numbers when setting age filters on dating apps.

“For a long time now I put myself as 49 not 51, because men don’t just search in that category and if they do they are in their 60s.

They don’t search in that category because they don’t want women of that age. This isn’t hard.

“I kind of felt guilty about it, it is not because I want to be dishonest I just want to find someone my own age.”

Most men want Taylor Swift; most men are realistic.

Ms Carr believes the 50th birthday milestone is a mental barrier for men,

In the same way 60 is a mental barrier for her?

and says she fesses up to her real age after meeting her dates in person.

The fact she’s got enough experience of this to write a newspaper article suggests this approach hasn’t delivered the results she’d hoped for. Who would have guessed?

She is not alone, data published by the The Australian Seniors Insurance Agency this month found four in five Queenslanders over 50 lie about their age on dating apps.

Are we sure they’re not just innumerate?

Clinical psychologist Matthew Worthington said while it was not healthy to lie about your age, it wasn’t uncommon.

Most people are terrified of being alone and fear rejection, that is why they lie,” he said.

I’m sure this is true, but it doesn’t describe the woman in question. She’s not in fear of being alone, she’s complaining the men she wants aren’t interested in someone of her age. What’s wrong with a bloke who’s 60? She’s hardly a spring chicken, is she?

He said the more people felt disconnected, the more likely they were to turn to online dating apps to feel validated.

Ah yes, serial online dating as an alternative to addressing psychological problems. Hi [name redacted]!

Ms Carr, who is the mother of two teenage boys,

Yeah, she sounds like quite the catch.

said in her experience, about a quarter of men her age used online dating apps to find casual sexual partners

What did she think Tinder was for, marriage proposals?

and many others to find partners 10-15 years younger than them.

Well, yes. Grandma could have told you this without switching on a computer.

“The biggest challenge is just trying to find quality people, there is not a shortage of men but there is a severe shortage of quality men – it is like finding a unicorn,” she said.

Yes, because quality men aren’t hanging around on dating sites, or if they are they quickly get snapped up by pretty young women who may or may not be from a place where they like sheep and mix their vowels up. Like many women featured in articles I’ve covered on this blog, this one seems to have an inflated view of her own value in the dating market.

“I think the older you get the more baggage people have.

Like two teenage sons and no mention of their father? Yeah, I bet men are just queuing up to get involved in that.

“There are also lots of married people using it and people who claim they are in open relationships.

I know Brisbane is backward, but do its residents really need a newspaper article to tell them this? What will they run tomorrow, a feature on how shopping is sometimes done online?

“Then there are people who are still in love with their former wives or girlfriends. People get on to Tinder after a few months of being separated and then find they are not ready.”

Is that what they told you? Heh.

Ms Carr said she had tried a host of online dating apps and websites, but was yet to meet her Mr Right.

Here’s my advice: 1) be honest 2) be realistic 3) don’t be a nut. Can you manage that?

“The last time I was in love was 10 years ago,” she said.

How is the ex-hubby doing?

“I have had a tonne of experience with online dating but have not had much luck, I am slightly jaded but still hopeful.”

So lying about your age didn’t work? Hmmm. Maybe you could try saying you’re from the Philippines?


29 thoughts on “50 Spent

  1. I’m not hugely qualified on the nuances of the late middle-aged dating scene, particularly not in Brisbogan, but am I correct in assuming “Tinder” is unlikely to be the best place to look for a long term partner?

    Should I ever be unfortunate to find myself single at a similar age to LorryCar, I’m certain I’d put a lot more thought and effort in to the process of searching and selecting what one would have to assume and hope is going to be my final long term relationship.

    Surely she should be looking for someone who shares as many of her preferences in as many areas of day to day life as possible? From what I know of Tinder, it doesn’t seem it captures and shares much of this detail.

    This should be the person with whom she is hoping to be with as she transitions into retirement; it’s going to be a huge problem to suddenly discover you can only tolerate them in the evenings and weekends rather than most of the day every day of the week.

    It’s a bit like those couples we all know who have been together for ages without actually being together, mainly because the one with the career has spent ridiculous portions of the marriage jetting around for work, only for them to be at each other’s throats when the work stops and they’re kicking around the house all day.

  2. A while back a mate of a mate’s wife joined a bridge club.
    She wanted the husband to come along too, but he couldn’t be arsed.
    Anyway since then the wife has moved out and is now living with some bloke from bridge.
    Maybe Ms Carr could give that a try.

  3. Just about what you’d expect from the Brisbane Times. Crap “journalism”, with intellectual quality inline with the Guardian. Best use for these papers is to use them to package dead fish.

  4. So the first sentence of the article, “Brisbane mother Lorrae Carr says she has a good reason to lie about her age on dating apps”, basically refutes the remainder of the article.

    She hasn’t found “Mr. Right” either by being truthful or by lying about her age.

    “Lorry Car” LOL!

  5. Knocking two years off your age isn’t that much of a sin though. Unless she’s lying to the paper too and she’s really 55! If you took a set of scales to most first online dates you’d probably find the combined weigh in discount was over 20lbs 😊

    Using Tinder to find a long term relationship, on the hand….

  6. Perhaps guys could try this one and have a tinder profile with a height of 5’11” on one, and 6’1″ on the other…then compare results.

  7. Next thing you know, Truck will be gushing to her friends about a sixty-something man – “age is just a number”, she’ll say – who happens to have some big numbers on his bank statement.

  8. The feminist war on basic human biology continues. Seriously ladies, your worldly success, the letters after your name and of course your ‘wonderful personality’ are all optional extras. I have many friends who qualify, they are all male and I don’t want to f**k any of them.

    We want partners who are young, attractive, curvy and fertile. If we didn’t the human race would have conceded to rattus rattus fifty thousand years ago. How hard is this to understand?

  9. Wonder how much of this is down to a feminazi journalist with an agenda. Easy enough to ask structured/leading questions during an interview then selectively quote the answers to portray her own narrative. Alright, lots of “journalists” do this, but Lorry could have been stitched up.

  10. A couple of thoughts on the issue:
    Firstly on the ‘Men only want younger women’ thing, its obviously true, though the anecdata I have (two 50/60 something friends who are shacked up with 30/40 something women, and both have young kids with them) is that the instigators of these April to September relationships are the women not the men. So feminists need to look within their own ranks, as potentially the reason Ms Traffic Jam hasn’t got a 50 something bloke to date is that a 30 something young trollop with rapidly ageing eggs has already made eyes at him and whisked him away to make babies with.
    Secondly there are two stages of sexual inequality in life, the one we are reading about in this article, as older women become invisible in the dating market, and the one that we hardly ever hear about, the one where significant proportions of young men are excluded from the dating market because of female interest in older/wealthier men or the top 20% of their peers. Then its only articles that make fun of men who can’t get a date. The difference in attitude is revealing.

  11. Like two teenage sons and no mention of their father? Yeah, I bet men are just queuing up to get involved in that.

    Indeed. Another problem is that given her real AND reported age ranges, she’s no longer able to appeal to the “new/nearly new” market (i.e. single and unmarried males) and is mostly having to try to appeal to the post-divorce dad market.

    They’ve seen her kind of bullshit before, probably the same as his ex-wife pulled and are simply refusing to get involved. Someone needs to tell Ms. Lorry Driver that “The Brady Bunch” wasn’t real.

    For double-plus good effect, change the names in the article to male ones and see if the response is the same…

  12. As so often when looking at sexual preferences, the porn industry is a useful source of facts. Look at any major multi-category porn website and there will large sections to mature women. The terms MILF and GILF are not accidental. There is a substantial proportion of the male heterosexual population sexually attracted to women who are at the top end of, and well over, child-bearing age. Some of those men are of a similar age to the women, some are much younger.
    Porn sites are a pretty “pure” piece of evidence in this regard. The users are usually viewing in private so have no need to modify their preferences because of how they will look to others. They are watching the granny porn because they want to. The porn site providers and the non-amateur makers of videos and photos would have zero reason to supply the mature content if there wasn’t enough demand to make it profitable.
    Therefore the mantra that men always and only want younger women sexually and that this is an inviolate rule is simply not true.
    Whether they want to have public relationships with a much older woman is another matter and, unlike the porn viewing, is going to be heavily influenced by the attitudes of friends, family and society in general. This is going to be a serious disincentive to both the man and woman but does not change the point about preference.

  13. This is all an example of what I call Woody Allen syndrome: “I’m unattractive so I can’t get a partner, it’s not fair, looks shouldn’t matter, but I’m only interested in good-looking partners, God forbid I should consider going out with someone plain’.

  14. JS

    I think you are missing something important. Men are quite happy to jump an older chick, if presented with the chance that suits them. Those porn preferences show that correctly.

    Ms Lorrae Carr is not complaining about her inability to get laid, she is complaining she is not getting the attention she wants from the number and quality of male she expects to attract. Young men are not lining up to jump through the required hoops Ms Carr has planned for them, nor will they be interested in investing in a long term relationship with someone one/two/three decades older.

  15. “Oh Noes! Hot young men aren’t prepared to commit themselves legally, financially and emotionally to me and provided for my children”

    Maybe she should have thought about that before she divorced her husband…

  16. David
    I’m not missing that at all.
    I was specifically responding to the very frequent, emphatic, assertion here, both today and many times before, that men are only sexually interested in younger women. That’s demonstrably not true.
    Whether men want to have a long-term relationship with an older woman is a different question.

    Whether any man acceptable to her wants to have the relationship she wants with Ms Lorrae Carr is another one and, for what it’s worth, I agree with you.
    I also think that she is looking for a long-term serious relationship on a site which is primarily used by men who want mainly casual sex. She should be looking elsewhere.

  17. JS

    There are also ample bestiality, pegging, cuckoldry, tranny, incest, and other various and sundry forms of p0rn out there (see Rule 34). Yet nobody serious would argue “See! Men really do like f*cking sheep while getting a ladyboy reach around, why do my craiglist ads go terminally unanswered?!?”

    The privately-viewed diminishing returns of free 24/7 internet does not inform the aggregate preferences of men. IRL the vast, vast majority prefer nubile over older. At the margins it’s not even close.

  18. Sam,
    You will find very little of the “specialities” you list on mainstream porn sites, unlike “Mature” categories.
    Nowhere am I saying that the majority of men go for older women but I am contesting the frequent, strident claims that men ONLY want younger women.
    As I said, the reasons for this particular woman not finding the type of relationship she wants in the particular place she is looking is a different matter.

  19. JS – Bedding an older woman is like riding a moped. It might be fun but you don’t want your friends seeing you do it … Ahem!

    One of the reasons for the explosion in Granny Porn is the USA’s rules and laws that state if a person LOOKS under age, then they will be prosecuted as if they were under age, regardless of their actual chronological age (try looking at pictures of Pia Zadora when she was in her late 20’s or 30’s – even now at 66 she is in remarkably good nick). Hence the porn makers deliberately select older actresses so they cannot fall foul of this rule.

    Secondly, a post menopausal woman cannot be made “accidentally” pregnant with the attendant financial and emotional costs. This article:


    explains female game and the way that they win in divorce and afterwards. Why risk it when you can have your fun with an older, infertile woman?

    Finally, from that article, a younger, fertile woman has a positive advantage in marrying an older, wealthier man. She can guarantee the resources for her children both in the short term and win, lose or draw (in other words, continuing marriage, divorce with the financial package or death of the husband) she is wealthy for the rest of her life. Why would a younger woman NOT marry a richer, successful and resource rich older (say, in his 60’s) man? From a survival of the genes point of view there are no downsides.

    Add in the fact that the vast majority of younger women are certifiably stark, staring batshit insane and the disincentives are overwhelming.

    But the article Tim discusses, it is again the usual litany of women that want validation and confirmation of their beauty, desirability and attractiveness. I am certain that this is the usual attention seeking from the woman concerned.

  20. The terms MILF and GILF are not accidental. There is a substantial proportion of the male heterosexual population sexually attracted to women who are at the top end of, and well over, child-bearing age.

    Sorry, pal. I’ve done some consulting work for the online porn business and I maintain a passing acquaintance with some producers. You’re only partially right.

    There are two reasons for the MILF thing (GILF is an outre fetish, like tranny porn). The primary consumers of porn are younger men and that demographic is something like 60% likely to have been raised by an overprotective single mother. Basically, they’ve got mommy issues.

    The real reason is that a drop in birth rates and a rise in obesity rates means that the talent pool of nubile white girls without copious tattoos has dried up, and the ones that would be interested in porn are doing it independently through Instagram, Snapchat or cam sites. The MILFs are usually contract girls who can be relied on to stay in some kind of shape and be reasonably professional on set (as an aside, the thing that amused me the most about the industry is how much weight is given to “professionalism”, for some definition thereof).

    You can see the same thing in Japan to a much more extreme degree: once obsessed with youth to a borderline criminal level, the Japanese porn industry has almost completely flipped to MILF/incest porn.

  21. Hmmm

    Putting her wizard’s sleeve wallpaper out there doesn’t get many dick pics in return.

    Who’d a thunk it!

    I blame brexit.

  22. @Jimmers

    Good point, there. It’s possible that the little lie about her age was a wry, self-aware comment halfway through a 3-hour interview, and the interviewer chose to lead with it to generate a boilerplate “Men’s dishonesty forces woman to lie!” article.

  23. > It’s possible that the little lie about her age was a wry, self-aware comment halfway through a 3-hour interview, and the interviewer chose to lead with it to generate a boilerplate “Men’s dishonesty forces woman to lie!” article.

    Yes, things like that mean that it’s difficult to trust journalists. Generally you’re advised to do an independent recording of the interview, but who’s going to do that with this sort of interview?

    You also have to ask why any serious journalist would be spending three hours interviewing a woman about her online dating activites anyway. No-one’s dating history is that fascinating.

    (There’s no need to reply that ‘She isn’t a serious journalist’.)

  24. I was at the CBI today using their WiFi.
    Access to this site was barred because of Hate & Racism.

  25. My work internet blocks for the same reason. Hate speech.

    Place of work is extremely cool and not very politically correct, but the network securiry is turned up to paranoia level 11 (We had YouTube blocked until mutiny was threatened), because if I told you what I do, i’d probably have to kill myself.

  26. the talent pool of nubile white girls without copious tattoos has dried up
    I have done no consulting work in the field (I am 80) but seems to me that the supply and demand curve applies here. There is an oversupply of willing tattooed girls that is driving prices so low that the employment of more expensive non-tattooed girls is unprofitable. Yet, there must remain some pockets of available workforce (I almost wrote manpower) in Siberia.

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