Little White Lies

Phrases commonly heard in the oil and gas industry which are not to be believed:

1.  Somebody will be there to meet you.
2.  It’s only for a few weeks.
3.  You don’t need to bring anything.
4.  This project must be finished by [insert date here].
5.  The procedure will explain how.
6.  It is important you attend this meeting.
7.  HR will take care of that.
8.  Transport is available.
9.  He speaks English.
10. It’s pretty much finished, it just needs a little tweaking.
11.  We will decide that later.
12.  Not for personal use.
13.  All necessary tools and equipment will be provided.
14.  Competitive rates.
15.  It’s fairly straightforward.

Readers are free to add their own in the comments.

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7 Responses to Little White Lies

  1. dearieme says:

    I was surprised the first time someone said to me “You are the company expert on this.” But on reflection, I was.

  2. Tim Newman says:

    Ha ha!

    I’ve been hoping somebody would one day say to me “You’re the best we’ve got” but so far they’ve only said “You’re all we’ve got”. Not quite the same thing.

  3. dearieme says:

    As long as you accept that “Company expert” is a relative measure …..

  4. Jon says:

    Brilliant!! I experienced the 9th lie quite recently, “oh they all speak English” I was told before going out to give a training course in English, half of the trainee’s could say “hello” to me the rest couldn’t even say that! Oh what fun it was.

  5. Tatyana says:

    Re: training course in English (Jon’s comment above) – that reminds me of a brilliantly funny book by Al. McCall-Smith “The finer points of sausage dogs”, where in one episode a German professor of Portuguese philology went to American Midwest as a guest lector and by mistake had to read a training lecture on veterinary medicine of dutch-hounds…to the utter admiration of his audience.
    Highly recommended.

    About the list: amazingly, all of it applies to architectural practice!
    I’ll add another line:”That should take you an hour to do”.

  6. David says:

    Another LWL suggestion:

    “if you buy the new version of the software it will fix all of the problems you have experienced”

    best regards

    David

  7. Lilonatalie says:

    “come back tomorrow, it will be ready by then”
    “our coordinator will meet you at the train station”
    “we need you to sign this” (giving you a blank A4 format paper)
    “we will sort this out asap”
    “you are our first priority”
    “we will rise your salary”
    =)

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