Why Some Women Take a Dim View of Men

As I was saying, gently mocking feminists can be fun:

This conversation was worthwhile – not because I expect this woman to change her mind – but because I got out of her a partial admission of what the root cause of the problem is.

She starts off by complaining that all men are abusive and have little concept of consent, seduction and respect. She ends by saying any men who attempt to demonstrate otherwise, or any women who try to find this out before sleeping with them, are “boring”.

Well, my friends and acquaintances might be boring, but the men aren’t sex-pests and the women aren’t routinely abused by people they are close to. My guess is in their quest for excitement over boredom, many women end up surrounded by low-grade men who, one way or another, hurt them. The reasons they do this are likely varied, but poor parenting is certainly one of them. It is also imperative for any man, when he meets a woman, to ascertain what sort of men she’s been hanging out with over the past few years because this will tell you a lot about the person. For the remaining few who are still interested in my blurb-less book, I cover this subject in quite some detail.

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26 thoughts on “Why Some Women Take a Dim View of Men

  1. Working in the fashion industry (of sorts) I come across many women like your Twitter correspondent. I avoid them like the plague.

    A lady friend of mine was in an abusive relationship for a number of years with what she terms a “bad boy” (he was eventually locked up for GBH). She has never said as much but I get the impression he knocked her about. She is now older (almost 40) and wiser and values men who show her respect over all else. Your correspondent seems to be one of those who wants to be one of the lads and seems surprised when said lads don’t treat here with the respect to which she feel entitled. Same with Laurie Penny – boo-fucking-hoo.

  2. She is now older (almost 40) and wiser and values men who show her respect over all else.

    Good for her, but she’s going to have to work overtime to convince guys she’s changed and no longer makes stupid decisions. A lot of women find this extremely difficult, and don’t seem to appreciate that it is a lot easier to find a woman who *hasn’t* lived a lifestyle which saw her dating a string of bad-boys. As the mob bosses said at the end of Casino: why take the risk?

  3. “I think what you underestimate is that these are all the men… really. Maybe even you. Maybe.”

    Quite the most depressing thing I’ve read for a couple of days. The universalising of personal experiences; the implied insult; the illiteracy. (Yes, I know it’s Twitter, but still…)

    I feel like my mind needs to take a bath.

  4. @ Sam

    The universalising of personal experiences; the implied insult; the illiteracy.

    Well, if your whole premise is that its possible, and even desirable, to separate people into groups – men & women, white & ethnic, gay & straight and some others, working & middle class etc. etc. – it then becomes essential to ascribe characteristics to those groups, otherwise there would be no point in the division.

    Thus we get women being sexist about straight men (as above), as well as racism, anti-semitism, ‘class war’ etc. all being acceptable as long as it targets the ‘correct’ group(s).

  5. @Jack Hughes

    “Thus we get women being sexist about straight men (as above)”

    Gosh- isn’t it just? Imagine if someone said ‘Women are sluts… even you’, but ‘You are a sex offender cos you’re a bloke’ passes muster.

    Like Tim said, it’s just one person on twitter in this instance, but aim not seeing her as an outlier at the moment.

    (I do like the left-typical response to losing the argument ‘you’re boring me. I’m off’

  6. We discussed this on a recent thread. Women tend to weight their choice in the direction of physically attractive men. Like physically attractive women, physically attractive men don’t have to try so hard. They’ll get laid whatever their personality. So it’s not surprising they come up with more than a representative proportion of shits.

  7. I suppose, if you’re seeking nothing but glowing validation for your own views and don’t like any challenge to them, even the mildest dissent might be interpreted as “boring” so that you don’t have to confront it.

  8. If A is nice and respectful and loving to B, then B is much more likely to reciprocate to A.
    But…if B is demonised simply because he is a he then that kind of scuppers the arrangement.
    The timeless advice for women is as valid as ever: Bark less, wag more.

  9. If A is nice and respectful and loving to B, then B is much more likely to reciprocate to A.

    Yes, some people bring out the best in a partner, others the worst. The trick is to find someone who does the former.

  10. “The trick is to find someone who does the former.”

    I suspect that is becoming harder and harder these days. Especially for the younguns. If in doubt blame Tony Blair.

  11. Tim,
    Small point on your blog design – there’s an ocean of unnecessary space between comments. It doesn’t look like a comments thread. I’d vote for a bit of vertical crunching.

  12. Small point on your blog design – there’s an ocean of unnecessary space between comments. It doesn’t look like a comments thread. I’d vote for a bit of vertical crunching.

    Alas, that’s driven by the template and to it I am beholden.

  13. “All men are rapey bastard sex pests!”
    “Er… hang on; I’m not and neither are my friends.”
    “You and your friends are sooooooooo boring!”

    I hate to use the phrase “asking for it”, but really.

  14. Also, I was really confused on first read of that twitter exchange because her photo looks like a bloke.

  15. “All men are rapey bastard sex pests!”
    “Er… hang on; I’m not and neither are my friends.”
    “You and your friends are sooooooooo boring!”

    It certainly explains why some women find themselves in the exclusive company of sex-pests more than others.

  16. Patrick,

    ” If in doubt blame Tony Blair.”

    The same was said 10 years earlier but about Margaret Thatcher…

  17. My guess is in their quest for excitement over boredom, many women end up surrounded by low-grade men who, one way or another, hurt them. The reasons they do this are likely varied, but poor parenting is certainly one of them.

    Social changes are making this more common. Since we have the welfare state and plenty of useless HR lady jobs, women don’t need boring provider-type guys anymore. They’re now free to chase sexy bad boys to their heart’s content without worrying about who’s going to help them pay the rent.

  18. They’re now free to chase sexy bad boys to their heart’s content without worrying about who’s going to help them pay the rent.

    I don’t actually mind this, but when they start bleating that bad boy assholes are behaving like bad boy assholes and expect me to listen, I do.

  19. “I don’t actually mind this, but when they start bleating that bad boy assholes are behaving like bad boy assholes and expect me to listen, I do.”

    Yes, I think most of us have been there at some point. One of the more enlightening moments in my life was sitting with two women who I knew quite well while they moaned about their respective asshole boyfriends, they then proceeded to describe their ‘perfect’ man. When I pointed out that their description of the perfect man was an exact description of me, the reaction was a furious rejection, and I mean furious!

    That left me quite confused for some time, until I realised I had struck some very deeply hardwired programming, and not the rational consideration of intelligent person. From then on, I’ve never taken much, if any, notice of what women say they want, I just take note of what they do. Life got easier from then.

  20. At a point in my life, I was a devotee of extremely fast motorcycles, on dirt and on asphalt, organized or just for the hell of it. Cars and slow bikes bored me. Couldn’t imagine slowing down just because it was safer.

    I noticed after a bit that my peer group was getting smaller, as people died or were injured and left.

    With time, I saw the benefits of “slow and boring.” The main benefit was “still living.”

    Your correspondent will either have that thought at some point, or she’ll crash and burn.

  21. bobby b ; that reminds me of the old adage, there are bold pilots, there are old pilots, but there are no old, bold pilots…..

  22. there are bold pilots, there are old pilots, but there are no old, bold pilots…..

    Chuck Yeager? He’s still knocking about.

  23. Yes, I think most of us have been there at some point.

    I didn’t actually mean bleat to me personally; I was referring to the practice of women bleating about assholes being assholes on the national and international news or social media.

    But yes, your point is a good one.

    From then on, I’ve never taken much, if any, notice of what women say they want, I just take note of what they do.

    That’s good advice, and not just with women. I’ve taken to doing it with people at work, and everything now makes a lot more sense.

  24. Your correspondent will either have that thought at some point, or she’ll crash and burn.

    To continue your analogy, I think this individual is in a wheelchair with a broken back ten years after crashing into a tree at 150mph yet still won’t shut up about how the bend in the road should have been marked more clearly and it’s all someone else’s fault.

  25. Chuck Yeager? He’s still knocking about.
    Every distribution curve has a long tail …

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