Polykilla

When I was in the US a couple of mass shootings took place, one in El Paso, Texas and the other in Dayton, Ohio. I really couldn’t be bothered reading the commentary on either of them because there have been enough of these lately to know exactly what everyone’s going say anyway. But a Twitter follower alerted me to this factoid regarding Connor Betts, the perpetrator of the Dayton murders:

Connor and I kept our relationship on the down-low due to the polyamorous nature of it. I was engaged to another man while dating Connor, and all parties involved knew about the situation.

I don’t think there’s much data to suggest that polyamorists go around massacring innocents with firearms; murdering beauty standards is more their shtick. But we should hardly be surprised that a mentally unstable individual such as Betts should be attracted to polyamory. The question that remains is whether the additional strain of the relationship tipped him over the edge.

Incidentally, this passage sheds some light on the standards polyamorists adhere to when dating:

A couple of drinks later, Connor asked me if I saw the video of the synagogue shooting. As someone who makes a point to never watch those videos, I hadn’t. So, he pulled out his phone and I was too drunk to care that I was watching it. Thankfully the bar was too loud for me to hear what was going on. Connor gave me the play-by-play of what was happening. Even then, I did realize that that was a weird thing for a first date, but not too weird given the context of our class.

If a normal person was on a date with a bloke who pulled out a video of the synagogue massacre she’d be out of there in a flash, returning home to delete her Tinder account and spend the next month contemplating her life choices. But if you’re a polyamorist you’ll not think it anything too much out of the ordinary. Remember folks, they’re normal people.

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6 thoughts on “Polykilla

  1. Just reading the blog post now and see this:

    He told me that he had bipolar disorder and possibly OCD; that didn’t scare me, some of the sweetest people I know have those conditions. I told him that I have depression, generalized anxiety, and ADD. We bonded over depression humor, something that only people who have been in the throes of it really ever understand and find humorous.

    Is it me or do people with mental health issues often seem to treat it as a badge of honour?

    Again here:

    Our relationship mostly consisted of us going out drinking and talking about our mental illnesses

    It’s as if the mental illness becomes all consuming and becomes the defining quality of these people’s lives.

  2. Is it me or do people with mental health issues often seem to treat it as a badge of honour?

    It’s not you. It’s massively destructive.

  3. ”Our relationship mostly consisted of us going out drinking and talking about our mental illnesses…”

    Those long winter evenings must just fly by…

    DK

  4. “I told him I wanted it to be a date and explained that I’m polyamorous.”

    So he wasn’t poly himself to begin with.

    On paper he sounds like a pretty well-adjusted bloke. He plays in a metal band, he charms strangers, he attends classes at the local college. Yes he has weird thoughts, but as long as he doesn’t put them into practice, that’s ok. But what removes the filter, what pushes dark thoughts from merely imagination to action? It’s usually psychotropic medication. That’s where legislators should be looking.

  5. Is it me or do people with mental health issues often seem to treat it as a badge of honour?

    It’s not you. Last time I was in Southern California visiting a friend who was heavy into polyamory, I discovered that providing a lengthy list of the current state of one’s mental and physical health issues had replaced ‘hello’.

    None of these issues were ever anything actually serious, like MS, ALS, CF, cancer or similar. They were always vaguely discomfiting, likely psychosomatic, and indicative of not much more than neuroses.

    It’s combination of wanting to be special and fishing for attention/sympathy typical of deeply insecure people.

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