One Side of the Story

Something I’ve noticed about articles in which polyamorists tell their stories is they are all written by women. Here’s another, which I shall summarise thusly:

My husband Rob and I were together for twelve years before I decided to start shagging a guy called Mike who I knew in my twenties. Pretty soon he moved in with us, but Rob’s other women didn’t because reasons. Then Mike moved into my room and Rob took the shitty spare room downstairs for reasons that were entirely practical, oh yes. Our two young kids were completely unaffected by all this, and both men did the housework while I ordered them around. Mike and Rob got on well but for reasons I won’t explain Rob and I have now divorced, he’s moved out, and Mike and I are getting married.

I imagine Rob’s version would go something like this:

My wife stopped putting out years ago and announced one day she’d started seeing some guy called Mario, but she wanted me to stick around to pay the bills. I thought it might be a passing phase and my only other option was to lose the house and kids in an expensive divorce, so I reluctantly agreed. This Mario guy turned up and quickly moved in, and then the bitch told me I had to sleep in the basement. I’m now so pissed off I’ve filed for divorce and moved out, but I’m still paying for the house and there’s a strange man sleeping in the same room as my kids. Now I hear they’re getting married. Man, did I fuck up or what?

This, apparently, is a lifestyle we’re supposed to treat as positive. Just have a read of that article and bask in the sheer amorality of it.

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25 thoughts on “One Side of the Story

  1. “and Mike and I are getting married.”

    It would be poetic justice if Rob now returns as the “lodger” (well he has to lodge himself somewhere).

  2. Jesus, I suspect poor Rob has shrivelled up so much with self-loathing that he has to sit down to piss.

    That said, I still think I put in the lion’s share of emotional labor in a traditionally gendered way. I’m the one who keeps up with the kids’ doctors appointments, the meetings at their schools.

    ie the new fuck buddy/hubby-to-be is doing the square root of fuck all to look after the kids, but is enjoying living in another man’s house and shafting his wife. I’d bet Mikey ducks out of marrying our narrator, unless Rob gets properly fleeced in the divorce, in which case Mikey will hang on for more cash and cock-lodging.

  3. That said, I still think I put in the lion’s share of emotional labor in a traditionally gendered way.

    Reading that I am beginning to understand how she got away with it.

  4. When I was 9 my mother had a story with another man; once, while my father was working abroad, she invited the man to dinner, which I found creepy. When I understood what was going on, that she was secretly cheating on my father, I fell in a psychological state where a background shiver of terror was with me almost constantly: I tried to stay out of home all day long, play crazily with my friends, in order to dispel the thought.
    After some time the marriage collapsed and she went away. There are photos of me and my two brothers, from that time, where we appear as zombies.
    My father, with whom we sons remained, managed to maintain good relationship (at what cost I realized only much later: he developed hypertension, hence lost both kidneys, recovered thanks to a transplant, but then failed again and suddenly died) so at Christmas, and on other occasions, we all met together: I always felt a physical disgust being close to that man, even if I kept a polite attitude for love of my mother. But she believed, all along, that her sons didn’t resent and were not impacted at all by those events. And she was a professional psychoanalyst, in the Lacan’s “school”.

  5. Reminds me of a survey done by another site some time ago. One of the commentators helpfully examined the data, and found that:

    18.08% of the single monos are depressed, making them more depressed than “in relationship” monos (15.01%) and married monos (11.60%).
    25.19% of the single polys are depressed, making them the least depressed polys. Most depressed in this group are married polys (31.18%), but “in relationship” polys are close (30.15%).

    So, not only are polyamorous people less happy than monogamous people, but among the polyamorous, the more successful you are at polyamory,* the less happy you’re likely to be.

    * Insofar as having multiple other men banging your wife counts as “success”, that is.

  6. Following up from Paolo, divorce is nothing but shitty for a child unless escaping an abusive parent.

    And we should never trust a single word that selfish cunts attribute to their children when trying to justify their own selfish cuntishness.

  7. “Our two young kids were completely unaffected by all this” – Yeah, right. Just wait until they hit their teens. “My kids are out of control” – sob, panic, look at me I’m such a victim.

    Such people are below contempt.

  8. I like her use of the word ‘sense’. Everything she wanted just made ‘sense’.

    I am struggling with rational for her divorce and new marriage though, Why divorce a guy just because he has moved out of the house and your fucking someone else? That seems a very traditional view of matrimony.

    And why marry the new guy who has moved in and your fucking, again, I can’t see how this has redefined matrimony at all.

    “Arielle Greenberg (born 1972) is a feminist poet”

    Well, that came as a surprise.

    Oh, goody, there is more!

    https://www.elle.com/life-love/sex-relationships/news/a35097/polyamory-made-my-marriage-better/

  9. They that marry a feminist poet shall reap the whirlwind. That’s in the Bible, someplace.

  10. Aren’t all news stories written by women? Even the ones with male-sounding bylines have a feminine sound to the content. This annoys me no end. I am just barely old enough to remember the “women’s page” of the paper, which contained interesting but ultimately trivial content, not really “news”—recipes, how-to, the antics of celebrities, that sort of thing. (The interesting but trivial content for men was called the “sports page.”). Now the whole damn paper is the women’s page and all the articles sound like they were written by a 23-year-old who knows everything and is obsessed with feminine concerns. Believe it or not, there was a time when you could read the paper every day for a week and not see one article about “relationships”— despite this handicap, civilization managed to chug merrily along.

  11. That said, I still think I put in the lion’s share of emotional labor in a traditionally gendered way. I’m the one who keeps up with the kids’ doctors appointments, the meetings at their schools. I delegate, but I’m still the planner.

    So she basically informs the two saps which one of them has to attend which meeting or appointment?

  12. When my kids play pretend games, they talk about how a certain imaginary creature has green magic beams that shoot out of her fingers and she can fly and she’s polyamorous and nonbinary.

    Sure they do honey. Words like polyamory and nonbinary are standard vocabulary used by 4 and 8 year olds when they play.

    Said no one. Ever.

  13. That said, I still think I put in the lion’s share of emotional labor in a traditionally gendered way. I’m the one who keeps up with the kids’ doctors appointments, the meetings at their schools. I delegate, but I’m still the planner.

    So let me get this straight: when husbands tell wives what to do, that’s oppressive and patriarchal, and therefore bad; but when wives tell husbands what to do, that’s “emotional labour”, and therefore bad as well?

    Some people are never satisfied.

    Sure they do honey. Words like polyamory and nonbinary are standard vocabulary used by 4 and 8 year olds when they play.

    My guess is that they picked them up from their mother, having no idea whatsoever what they actually mean.

  14. My guess is that they picked them up from their mother, having no idea whatsoever what they actually mean.

    I’ve known a number of severely screwed up people compensating for their issues with bizarre philosophies, ranging from polyamory to transtrenderism. Those with kids, the kids are routinely the most vocal advocates for their parents craziness. Kids want to please their parents.

    That this is doing incalculable psychological damage to the children is never part of the calculus, of course.

  15. That this is doing incalculable psychological damage to the children is never part of the calculus, of course.

    Exactly.

  16. The comments trashed her. Nobody was on her side.

    Except the judge in the divorce. The one who counts.

  17. And she was a professional psychoanalyst, in the Lacan’s “school”.

    From what I can tell, most people in this field – especially therapists – are women with more issues of their own than all their patients combined. In other words, they’re the last people who should be dishing out advice to others.

  18. Oh, goody, there is more!

    Ah, I’ve covered these two before, I recognise the photo: the guy looks like he works in accounting.

  19. Good stuff, Original X:

    18.08% of the single monos are depressed, making them more depressed than “in relationship” monos (15.01%) and married monos (11.60%).
    25.19% of the single polys are depressed, making them the least depressed polys. Most depressed in this group are married polys (31.18%), but “in relationship” polys are close (30.15%).

    I suspect what this is showing is that people who fail to form monogamous relationships are depressed, and a portion of those use polyamory as a coping mechanism.

    * Insofar as having multiple other men banging your wife counts as “success”, that is.

    Indeed. I also have a theory that any woman who is happy to see another woman with her husband doesn’t like him very much.

  20. I suspect what this is showing is that people who fail to form monogamous relationships are depressed, and a portion of those use polyamory as a coping mechanism.

    All right, look you, stop stealing my schtick. You’re already a better writer, you don’t have to rub it in.

  21. All right, look you, stop stealing my schtick.

    Heh! What can I say? You gave me the line which explained polyamory, and I haven’t been able to improve on it!

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