Template Matched

Via reader Fay, a story of a woman in her late thirties looking for love:

Nearly three decades later—even though my career as a UN aid worker had seen me bounce all around the world and have all sorts of trysts—I was yet to meet this fictional man. And yet, thanks to my over-active imagination, he’d amassed an ever-growing list of wonderful qualities.

Where-oh-where was this romantic man, this tall and intelligent Indiana Jones, who also happened to be funny, clean, gainfully employed, multilingual, emotionally astute and incredibly deep? An old soul who exuded confidence, honesty and patience, and didn’t feel an iota of insecurity around a woman who had likely travelled more than he had?

Him? He got married while you were gallivanting around the world with the UN having “all sorts of trysts”.

I’d looked for him in bars, in airport lounges, at second hand book shops. I went on blind dates, where my anxiety over my apparently dwindling marriageability and fertility led me to trying to talk myself into suitors who I would never have considered a decade earlier.

Well yes, that dating pool does tend to dry up, just as Grandma warned. So she gave up, but what to do instead? Emphasis is mine:

Once I made the decision to end the punitive (not to mention addictive) search for romantic love, once I decided that I was enough on my own, everything shifted.

My soul-searching took me deep into the wilderness, from meditating and studying Ayurveda at an ashram in Kerala, to working on a farm on Mount Etna, to going on a solo-safari in southern Tanzania.

During that time, I focused my time and energy on, well, me, developing a heightened sense of self-awareness. Stepping away from the demands of modern city living and social pressure to couple up induced a total spiritual transformation – a journey on which I decided to give myself permission to pursue happiness and meaning in nontraditional ways.

As I said a few weeks ago:

For most people, “travelling” – as opposed to simply going on holiday – is something you do in your twenties before settling down into a proper job and/or family life. But for single women, it’s something they do well into middle-age and perhaps beyond, usually going to exotic locations where they talk in lofty terms about spirituality. There must be a pretty big market for this: reasonably wealthy women who have nothing else to do during their annual holidays but jet off somewhere exotic for a few weeks or months of “finding themselves”. I don’t think they’re going abroad to get laid, but they do seem a bit lost, as if going to a nice location will help fill the gigantic hole in their lives back home.

I’ve noticed you don’t see many middle-aged men going “travelling”, it’s nearly always women, and always alone.

Heh. On several occasions I’ve had women like this yell “You don’t know me!” when I’ve given them a brief, unsolicited assessment of their life situation. Alas, it seems I do. Fortunately, in this case there’s a happy ending:

We need to be enough on our own, and to realise that in the end, we’re never alone if we are connected to the deepest part of ourselves. That’s why at the end of my journey, I married myself – on a beach in Zanzibar, of course.

Which just leaves one question: tabby, Siamese, or tortoiseshell?

Share

19 thoughts on “Template Matched

  1. Looking at her photo on the link, she is a stunner. Shame about the thousand c*ck stare though.

  2. You don’t see many middle-aged men traveling.

    Heh. Have you looked round Pattaya lately? Or ever? (Didn’t you say you had a condo here?)

  3. A stunner?? Marginal at best.

    Nor do good looks make up for her being a selfish womi cow.

  4. Which just leaves one question: tabby, Siamese, or tortoiseshell?

    All three, of course, plus a few more spares and “rescued” cats.

    Sheesh! I thought everyone knew that …

  5. “Which just leaves one question: tabby, Siamese, or tortoiseshell?”

    It would be one of those, of course. She started with the white ones, had a few gingers but kept quiet about it, had lots of blacks but kept even more quiet about them, and several of the long-haired types while she was travelling.

  6. Heh. Have you looked round Pattaya lately? Or ever?

    They’re not travelling, fella. 😉

    Didn’t you say you had a condo here?

    Patong.

  7. These articles are starting to pop up like daisies. Didn’t you post one awhile back about the yenta that was “well traveled” “Spoke five languages” and had issues finding guys (no shit) as well?

    Her lack of introspection is disturbing. Maybe, just maybe, she’s annoying. And the dwindling number of guys in her market have better, less annoying and pretentious options.

    I’m a fairly religious person, and I got into a series of books the first of which is called “We don’t die”. They are about life after death, or death experiences had by those that came back. There are something like ten things they all have in common, regardless of religion, sex, age, culture. One of the things is you see your life, not only from your perspective, but the big picture as well. Think “the five people you meet in heaven”.

    Think about if that is true, what this woman will see. Probably the half dozen guys that would have happily married her.

    I think it was David Cassidy’s last words that summed up what she’ll feel – “I’ve wasted so much time…”

  8. “Marriage” has become a meaningless term. It’s now used as a synonym for “live-in lovers” who are, of course, entitled to legal recognition and benefits (at taxpayer expense) because they *looooove* each other so much!

    I’d rather not pay taxes to support other people’s love lives, thank you very much. Too much of my money is wasted by the government as-is.

  9. These articles are starting to pop up like daisies.

    Indeed, I’m mining a rich seam here.

  10. “Looking at her photo on the link, she is a stunner”

    She is – looking at her photos on Google Images – although the one on the article has been photoshopped to buggery.

    But that’s part of the problem. She knew she was good looking. She knew she had that capital in the bank. What she didn’t realise – and in your twenties that may be fair enough, if naive – is that it is a rapidly diminishing asset, to be invested in an equally well capitalised (in all senses) man.

    Now her self-image is still the good looking woman who couldn’t possibly trade down, but her peers amongst the men have all made their commitments already, so she’s left with herself.

  11. The core underlying problem here – and in much else these days – is that people are not encouraged or trained to think. I mean properly think things through. It’s all me, me, me, now, now, now. What about our culture encourages a young woman to think strategically, tactically, biologically, resource optimally about her life? Nothing at all. They used to have shame, public morality, church, expectations, duty, the hardships of life, the experience of war or famine or infant mortality and all the ‘bad’ old ways to help them. They used to have to be a bit serious because the alternative was starvation. Now they’ve got Tinder.

  12. She knew she was good looking. She knew she had that capital in the bank. What she didn’t realise – and in your twenties that may be fair enough, if naive – is that it is a rapidly diminishing asset, to be invested in an equally well capitalised (in all senses) man.

    She might also have been a pain in the arse, or nuts. Which side of the hot/crazy line do you think she lies on? Most men would happily lose a few points in the looks if he’s not with a nutter.

  13. Without being unkind, isn’t ‘marrying yourself’ a form of, er, masturbation?

  14. It most certainly is the template for the Eat Pray Love lot. I do find it somewhat sad that so many women seem incapable of understanding their own poor decision making.

    This quote sums the whole thing up IMO;

    ‘I think of a man and I take away reason and accountability’

  15. They used to have to be a bit serious because the alternative was starvation. Now they’ve got Tinder.

    Hammer, meet nail.

  16. Without being unkind, isn’t ‘marrying yourself’ a form of, er, masturbation?

    It’s a form of deranged narcissism.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *