A tragic end to a polyamorous relationship

I am indebted to commenter Nikw211 in this thread at David Thompson’s for this story:

A member of YouTube’s skeptic community has been arrested in the fatal shooting of a woman, who has since been identified as his female YouTube co-host. Better known as “RDP” or Skeptic Feminist on social media, 29-year-old Aleksandr Kolpakov was arrested by police and is currently being held in Mesa County, Colorado jail on suspicion of second-degree murder.

The victim was identified this Monday afternoon as 31-year-old Heather Anable, a co-streamer in Kolpakov’s videos who viewers knew as “Ivy.” The coroner’s office ruled her death a homicide. Anable was shot multiple times in the neck and chest.

I saw something breaking on Twitter last night about this and couldn’t work out what was going on, so I lost interest. Or rather, I did until I found that Kolpakov and his victim were in a polyamorous relationship with another of their co-hosts of the Skeptic Feminist channel. Here is a video of Anable spelling out the virtues of ‘committed polyamory’ while Kolpakov sits beside her.

According to Twitter, Kolpakov is a US Army veteran and suffers from PTSD as a result of his service in Iraq. As Nikw211 remarks:

I find it quite hard to imagine how the particular stresses and strains involved in living in a polyamorous relationship would have been helpful for the stress levels of someone with an already imbalanced mental state.

Whether Kolpakov has PTSD or not will no doubt be confirmed or otherwise in his trial, but it seems almost certain that he did shoot and kill his lover. For a trio that made themselves vaguely famous by telling everyone that their polyamorous setup was full of advantages and based firmly in love this is a rather ironic ending, albeit tragic.

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22 thoughts on “A tragic end to a polyamorous relationship

  1. As you’ve been pointing out, there seems to be a certain distance between the theory and the practice of polyamory.

    Ok, one case is anecdote, but..

  2. The world breathes a sigh of relief that it wasn’t one of Laurie Penny’s polyamorous relationshsips.

  3. PTSD seems to be becoming a bit of a racket.
    OK, shell shock etc and firing soldoers for cowardice was a bad thing in WW1.
    But nowadays if your school bus runs over a pensioner there’s an army of cousellors to help the kids get over the shock. Most kids aren’t stupid, they can work out that they can get extra time in exams, get time off from school, etc.

    Without denigrating veterans who have genuinely fought for their country, a fair bit of PTSD is a ticket to drink more beer.

  4. Back in my schooldays a teacher committed suicide. Apparently he was a genuine PTSD sufferer from WWII. The headmaster got the school together in a general assembly and gave us the news. As the school was an RC concentration camp run by Jesuits and suicide was a mortal sin, it was never mentioned again. So much for counseling.

  5. My brief fling with polyamory (although I didn’t know that word at the time) was as my first marriage was failing. I hooked up with one girl, then added another and another. I was literally shagged out, sometimes doing two in one night. Couldn’t keep it up mind you, as this was pre Viagra days.

  6. Timbotoo

    With all due respect, that was ‘shagging around’ not polyamory. Not saying is wasn’t justified and may well have been fun, but not polyamory. 🙂

  7. Bilbaoboy,

    Doesn’t it count that they all knew each other and what was going on? It was complicated though, if it weren’t for my Casio electronic agenda I would have been swamped.

    What can I say? I was young and hung. 🙂

  8. If they al knew each other, all knew what was going on AND were all OK with it, yes.

    If it worked, my hat off to you!

    Beyond my powers of persuasion and physique 🙂

  9. Like I said before, most in this situation seem to be silently screaming to get out. Looks like at least one managed too.

    I suspect one root cause of this is a simply lack of honesty. Broken, weak men who have repressed their true feelings and desires, being being herded into a situation they ultimately hate.

  10. PTSD seems to be becoming a bit of a racket.

    The SJW types have appropriated the vocabulary of treatment for true PTSD (“triggering”, “safe spaces”, etc.) because it earns them sympathy and victimhood points. Unfortunately it also ends up creating compassion fatigue amongst the general populace for people who honestly suffer from this trauma, and making it harder for those people be taken seriously.

    Not unlike grotesquely inflated claims of rape.

    With all due respect, that was ‘shagging around’ not polyamory.

    I once opined to an evangelically polyamorous friend, “we single people have a word for polyamory. We call it ‘dating’.”

  11. @TJ

    That led me down a rabbit-hole. I thought “good grief, what poor kind of ‘journalist’ gets to write this crap?” And the answer is someone employed by the press agency Newsdog Media, who seem to specialise in a very particular brand of not-news dredged up from social media, in fact verging-on-fake-news.

    The poor Pesala Bandara has also been forced to work on such gems as…

    My multimillionaire fiance parties with naked women every day – here’s why I still trust him

    Super-slimmer who gets buzz from plastic surgery admits she’s spent £27,000 but insists she’s elegant and no ‘bimbo’

    Single mum addicted to lip fillers splashes out more than £1,600 on her enormous pout

    Teenager obsessed with being skinny becomes social media sensation after ditching diet and embracing curves

    ‘Lord of the Wives’ lives with THREE lovers… who all have matching tattoos of his face – another poly story, this one even weirder

    Meet the real-life human Barbie who’s spent over £350k on surgery to look like her plastic idol

    Brit ‘rich kid of Instagram’ amasses car collection worth £1.7m – TWO MONTHS after passing test

    Former troubled teenager has transformed himself into ‘The Beast’ with 56 inch chest and over 40 tattoos

    Human Barbie mum-of-five spends over £350,000 on plastic surgery to look like doll – recognise this one? Yes, it’s the same person… flogged the “story” twice to the same newspaper just two months apart…

    Woman blows £130k on plastic surgery to look like her holiday caricature drawing and wants MORE

    I married my cats after my last relationship ended in heartache – and it’s purr-fect

    ‘Living doll’ dubbed Human Barbie says her striking looks are ruining her love life … thought I recogised this story from the above list, but it is in fact another woman – the gazetteer of human misery is boundless

    I eat creepy crawlies to boost my health, after finding out my family have a history of heart disease

    Beauty queen Ashton Colby reveals he HATED being a stunning blonde and is much happier as hunky male

    ‘I’m happy for my daughter to strip to pay for my surgery’ – Pair have spent £56k to look like Katie Price

    See how skinny teen was transformed into ‘The Beast’ after achieving childhood dream of looking like cartoon villain – yes, you saw this one before too, flogged once to the Sun and once to the Mirror, a couple of months apart

    Brazilian beauty looks eerily like Disney Frozen princess Elsa – but there is a huge downside

    Real life Barbie and Ken have spent £200,000 to transform themselves to look like their plastic idols

    Brainbox psychology student who speaks four languages isn’t taken seriously ‘because she looks like Barbie’

    Katie Price wannabe made husband sign pre-nup to fund plastic surgery – but now says it’s ruined her life

    Real life Barbie and Ken spend more than £200,000 on surgery to transform themselves into their idols – flogged once to the Mirror, then a couple of months later, flogged once again to the Mirror – result!

    Meet the petite blonde who earns £125,000 being SQUASHED by plus-size models for a living

    Former ‘nerd’ is now a dating coach and living with TWO girlfriends and kids under one roof – yay for polyamory, and oh look, it’s our old friends again coming in for a Sun/Mirror double

    Could you finish the massive Trawlerman breakfast challenge? Only one person has managed to so far

    Meet the ‘human Barbie’ whose genetic condition means she’s like a real life toy – surprisingly, not another repeat, but I guess human barbies, trans people and poly trouples put a lot of “journalistic” bread on the table

    Royal Navy hopeful swaps weight-lifting and stunning girlfriends for new life as woman called Ri Ri

    Meet the polyamorous Brit who lives with two women in the US, raising their children as ‘a throuple’ – yes, it’s our old friends yet again! Wait a few months and you can flog the tale to the same paper twice, do they not bother to check this stuff?

    ”Toyboys keep me young!” Stunning 61-year-old cougar reveals secret to defying old age

    Barbarella Buchner: Woman celebrates 10-year anniversary after MARRYING her two pet cats – yes you heard this one before too, a Sun/Mirror double more than a year apart, how is that for breaking news? Actually the fact so many of these “Weird News” stories might as well be from ten years ago as from last week or from today is the biggest giveaway for me that they aren’t “news” at all.

    What the duck? Platypus-lover spends SEVEN YEARS stretching his face to give himself a BEAK

    Finally one for well-known ambush predator JuliaM, in case she ever visits this blog … Meet the Basildon man who drinks and bathes in his own urine. I know her local press always cheers her up so.

    So who is this intrepid news-seeker scouring the world of Facebook (where a bit of googling finds her posting to request people get in touch with “stories”) to keep us so up to the moment with the great world affairs of our age?

    I thought, maybe this is some poor intern with a rubbish degree and media aspirations having to trawl through all this muck to fund their way through journalism college and get a “real” news reporting job at the end of it.

    But not a bit of it. It turns out Pesala Bandara went to the extremely prestigious Haberdashers’ Aske’s School for Girls, which currently has fees of 17 and a half grand per year (just to reiterate, this is a day school, not a boarding school). In 2010 she was awarded a distinction for her MA in the Culture of the European Renaissance, from the University of Warwick. (Dissertation: “A Culture of Performance: Mary, Queen of Scots and her court entertainments from 1561 to 1566”)

    In 2012 she won the prize for GG2 Young Journalist of the Year (Sponsored by The Daily Mail). Since 2012 she has also been a part-time academic at Warwick, working on a PhD in the Centre for the Study of the Renaissance on “The Cultural World of The Haringtons of Exton, 1570-1627”.

    Pesala Bandara is a beautiful, intelligent and insanely expensively educated young lady. She is an award-winning journalist. Yet here she is, churning out tales of ubergeek threesomes, tragic human barbiedolls and men from Basildon who have yet to figure out the nature and purpose of their bodily waterworks – all for the delectation and infotainment of the clickbaited public.

    JC bloody wept. And if this is what Britain’s brightest and best are reduced to, what hope is there for everyone else? Anybody who’s just spent 27k on tuition fees getting a 2:2 in media studies from South Slough Poly in the hopes of a glittering career in journalism might as well have burned their money – and perhaps what’s even more depressing is that had they instead invested 34k on joining the English elite by getting themselves through Habs Girls Sixth Form, on this evidence they wouldn’t have been much better off either.

  12. “JC bloody wept. And if this is what Britain’s brightest and best are reduced to, what hope is there for everyone else?”

    This is the interesting thing about the modern world. Journalism was always a road for those at the bottom into the middle classes, that’s what the gutter press was largely built on.

    It’s now been taken over by the expensively credential. People who’s families can afford to send them to Oxbridge and support them through years of unpaid internships in London.

  13. David Moore: “Journalism was always a road for those at the bottom into the middle classes…”

    That was in the days when it took (a modicum of) hard graft. You had to get out there, make contacts, chase stories. Now, stories come to you, via social media.

  14. My brief fling with polyamory (although I didn’t know that word at the time) was as my first marriage was failing. I hooked up with one girl, then added another and another.

    Yeah, but the crucial difference is that:

    1) You know it was brought on by a rather distressing change in fortunes and your brain was probably in a weird place right then
    2) It was temporary, i.e. not sustainable or normal
    3) You moved on
    4) I suspect you don’t openly discuss it with people or mention it to your current partner without expecting at least some furrowed brows.

  15. The US Army has released Aleksandr Kolpakov military record. News outlets ‘Beatstreet’,’The Grand Junction Sentinel’ have reported this. Mr Kolpakov has been proved to have been a liar. Several investigators have went to YouTube to document Mr Kolpakov’s false statements from his videos and twitter account.
    Mr Kolpakov has lied about employment in “The Department of Homeland Security”, “The Peace Corp”, and deployment to Afghanistan. He has lied about his rank also. The diagnoses of ‘PTSD’ is a fabrication from his partner also.

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