Fruit of the Loon

This is what happens when you stop marrying your blue-blooded cousins from Europe and get involved with divorced American actresses:

The Duchess of Sussex wrote empowering messages of support on bananas as she joined husband Prince Harry on a visit to a sex worker charity today.

Meghan and Harry were making up food parcels to be handed out to female sex workers when the duchess was struck by the idea to add her own personal touch.

Declaring herself ‘in charge of the banana messaging’, the royal took the time to write individual messages of encouragement and empowerment like ‘you are special’, ‘you are brave’ and ‘you are strong’ on the fruit.

At some point even the most staunch of monarchists are going to start questioning the divine right of rule of this current crop.


31 thoughts on “Fruit of the Loon

  1. Sex work cannot be worth the candle if it cannot even raise enough to buy food.
    Twenty pounds and sixpence?
    What tight-wad only gave you sixpence?

    I blame Brexit.

  2. the most staunch of monarchists are going to start questioning the divine right

    The issue of divine right was settled by the simple expedient of cutting off a king’s head 370 years ago, almost to the day.

    The current crop aren’t even suitable for cutting the ribbon to open a supermarket and the problem began with another Charles, Meghan’s father-in-law, thinking that his self-gratification was more important than the dignity of his rank and position.

  3. You’ll note that it was only allowed once it was firmly established that Harry was never going to get anywhere near the throne.

    There’s been a long tradition of whackadoos in the cadet branches of the Royal family, so this is nothing new really.

    (The weakest link in the chain at the moment seems to me to be the total fruit-loop Charles, but Her Majesty seems to have worked that out, and sensibly to be doing her level best to make sure his reign is as short as possible.)

  4. I’d consider myself to be a monarchist, of the constitutional kind as opposed to the “tea towel and mug collecting” variety, but considering many of the ideas being espoused by the younger generation (William’s support for smashing up all the antique ivory objects in the Royal Collection for instance – an act nothing short of cultural and artistic vandalism on an epic scale, in my view) and my increasing belief that those with power should be democratically elected, I find my support for the institution itself is wavering.

  5. The divine right thing at least once had some legitimacy because there was serious competition for the job. When king was the top job in the Kingdom, when you actually ruled things, people really wanted to get that job. Lots of wars fought across Europe so a prince or king could get another’s land. There’s a certain Darwinian success to it.

    The modern monarchy aren’t that. No-one is going to invade the palace and execute them because they don’t really have any power or megawealth now. They’re a hangover from that age. Neither legitimate by force, nor by ballot. They exist due to inertia. No-one really cares much if it exists, nor does anyone care much about getting rid of them.

    I don’t even mind that they’re basically part of the celebrity industry. I’d just like them to be a lot better at it. I remember thinking when Posh n Becks got married that these sort of people would be the end of the monarchy. They could supply the same family stuff, bling and opulent weddings that women love, but do it far more professionally.

    And that one is going to eat them alive. She come from one of the most competitive fields around, which takes enormous efforts and persistence as well as handling relationships and PR to succeed at. She’s trained for being a public figure in a way that they aren’t.

  6. I’m a monarchist on the basis that it sort of works and we’ve far bigger problems to sort out than deciding who gets to represent us on stamps, coins and at big funerals.

    I wouldn’t die in a ditch to protect it if they start abusing the privilege, although I’m not sure being in a gilded cage for life is a privilege, and if were a republic I don’t think I would die in the restoration ditch either.

  7. Well at least things like this, movies and Netflix keeps the Queens subjects attention away from questioning why she is signing their rights away.

  8. For these lucky girls, bananas with a message written on them will be like the golden tickets in “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”. Selling one on ebay has got to be a better investment of time and resources than sucking off a Pakistani elder in his knackered Ford Focus.

  9. “Meghan and Harry were making up food parcels to be handed out to female sex workers when the duchess was struck by the idea to add her own personal touch.”

    Food parcels for sex workers? I’d suggest that if they need them, they have misjudged the whole point of the sex work?

  10. Harry’s choice surprises me, given that he could pick whoever he wanted of any woman (if he bats that way) on the planet. But, tastes differ, I guess.

  11. My father once suggested to me the value of titular monarchies was they freed up an acting HOS to be derided fully. In those countries one could always say “the current prime minister is an idiot” and one was not attacking the personification of the nation, the beloved person who christened ships.

    IMO the left is now so deranged, the only personification they will accept either is someone full of hate like them or someone who, like here, hands out symbolic dildos. The comments on QE2’s Christmas speech about a month ago being a case in point .. Their current titular monarch does not hate anyone or promote degeneracy, and there were many comments on twitter showing virulent hatred of her. For wishing good will to all.

  12. @hm

    I am used to and quite like the flip side of that argument – that if a significant portion of people hate someone divisive occupying the “personification of the nation” roles of state it reduces group loyalty to the nation itself. But your father’s formulation – that it frees us to mercilessly rib the politicians without being seen to be disloyal to the country – may actually be even more persuasive.


    One of the strongest arguments I’ve seen against the monarchy (initially I thought it was daft but it has grown on me over time) is that it is a human rights violation against those born into it. ‘Slebs and politicians can both suffer and thrive in the media vortex that swirls around them, but it’s usually there because they sought it and nurtured and fanned it, even if they never truly controlled it. And for those who seek it out, most can choose to return to obscurity. For a prince or princess born into the role, there is little choice (except perhaps somewhat over the degree of exposure) and little chance of escape, while plenty of case studies exist of the harm life in the gilded cage can inflict.

    I used to think that I couldn’t feel too sorry for them because of the privelege and megabucks but someone with a comparatively measly couple of million pounds in their trust fund has far more freedom to do what they want with their life, and even us mortals – provided we earn enough to pay for our tastes and lifestyle – have a myriad of choices open to us that the royals cannot pursue. A trivial example but I doubt our host is a member of the Royal family in deep disguise, and if he were royalty then he’d find his frustration with politicians substantially harder to vent… Which I can only presume would be a source of grave frustration.

  13. @Sam Vara on February 2, 2019 at 10:17 pm

    ebay: that had occurred to me

    I will buy a few dozen bananas tomorrow and list them “Prince Harry Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle Windsor Signed Banana”, UK Seller

    It’ll be like Gressingham Duck & Manuka Honey — more sold than grown.

    imo Harry missed his fruit-loop mother so much he married her; can’t see it lasting.

    imo Kate seems sanest of the four.

    On EIIR successor, I’d prefer Andrew or Anne as Regent

  14. Meghan and Harry were making up food parcels…”

    I bet he pissed himself laughing when he got home.

  15. Like Pcar, I can’t see it lasting either.

    When Harry met Megan (not Sally) I predicted that she would be pregnant ASAP and have what the Americans call at least one anchor baby when a Mexican gives birth in the USA. Follow that by divorce, getting Buckingham Palace as the family home and half the Kingdom in alimony was likely her plan. She admitted that she stalked him and tracked him down, determined to marry into Royalty. I doubt that she fully researched what would happen if they did separate. The scenario of half the kingdom and a meal ticket for life may not quite work out as she planned.

    She is deliberately trying to put her SJW stamp on the role and encouraging drug dependent women (the majority of prostitutes are drug addicts) who are so far down the scale they need food parcels with “You are Brave” “You are Special” etc. shows that she knows ALL about virtue signalling and fuck all about the type of woman that gets herself in that position (and I don’t mean doggy style, either!). And the virtue signalling is the main thing, eh?

    Ah, well, if the kids are ginger, then at least they will match the Queens corgis. So there is that.

    With Kate I think that the royals learned from Diana that you simply cannot absorb someone into the family firm without a long training period (Waity Katy, anyone?) so she fits in well after the prolonged “courtship” and engagement.

    As for Chuckles, one guy I knew in the UK was in the same school (Gordonstoun) as him and reckoned he was as thick as mince. A reading of his Wikipedia entry regarding subjects he studied and the grades he got sort of confirms it. His enthusiasm for Islam, environmental causes and Global warming/Climate Change/whatever it is called this week to disguise the fact that none of the computer models have predicted what the temperature actually is, right now, makes him unsuitable to head a country where he is supposed to be “Defender of the faith”. But I’m glad I’m out of it …

  16. When Harry met Megan (not Sally) I predicted that she would be pregnant ASAP

    Crunch the numbers. She was pregnant before they got married. I assumed that was the driver for it in the first place; even given “he’s never getting near the throne”, QE2 doesn’t seem like she’d tolerate that classless bint unless she had no choice.

  17. I remember reading somewhere that the Divine Right went out the window in 1688, when Parliament effectively deposed an existing monarch and imported his replacement via ebay from Holland.

    Completely unrelated – Anecdatum for Tim.

    I heard the last installment of a tragic story from friend last night, about a couple they know. Wife went off the deep end ten years ago (manic-depressive), had to be committed. Husband got a divorce after a few years. Now she’s gotten well enough to be released, children don’t want to see her, understandably. And… she’s now into polyamory. Bet you didn’t see that coming.

    “Polyamory is a coping mechanism”. I may have quoted you, without attribution. Hope you will indulge me this time.

  18. @DR,

    If she was pregnant before the wedding (already 7.5 months ago) it was only just. So that can’t possibly have been the driver for the wedding that was in planning since at least February.

  19. Although a hereditary head of state isn’t ideal, the prime advantage is that it’s apolitical (though Charles seems to be out to change that). If we had a president instead, then the process of choosing would be totally political, even if the process tried to avoid that. And if you vote for your president, then you may not feel bound by a result that you didn’t vote for. We’re seeing that in spades in the US right now, and it almost always happens in the more unstable parts of the world.

  20. I think we have the best option regarding royalty, The Queen of Australia doesn’t actually live in Australia, in fact she is on the other side of the world. All we have to put up with is the fawning reports tacked onto the end of the nightly news to fill up some space.

  21. @Phil B on February 3, 2019 at 12:22 am

    Well said, agree.

    I’d add Charles has redeeming features

    Had Poundbury built and people bought

    Some he loathes:
    Politicians & Terrorists (and RoI?)
    Modern Architecture
    Modern Art

  22. @Daniel Ream on February 3, 2019 at 7:59 am

    “She became the Duchess of Sussex upon her marriage to Prince Harry in May 2018”

    Birth expected in April, 11 month gestation: she’s not human then?

    If it “prematurely” pops out this month then…

  23. @Tractor Gent on February 3, 2019 at 6:36 pm


    British Monarchy works well. Better than any alternative when one looks around world.

    Plus, it’s worth £Billions pa to UK and EIIR is most important person on Earth – just look at how ….Bush, Obama, Trump want to please her: UK soft power epitomised.

  24. Track record over last 200 years of constitutional monarchy is far better than republics, if you wish to avoid civil strife.
    For many of the reasons above separation of ceremonial and executive functions of government does have benefits.
    Doesn’t stop teenage trots screaming about principles though.

  25. Track record over last 200 years of constitutional monarchy is far better than republics, if you wish to avoid civil strife.

    Indeed, but I’m sure that was because, not despite, monarchs of yesteryear refrained from things like handing out signed bananas to prostitutes.

  26. “Birth expected in April, 11 month gestation: she’s not human then?”

    A lizard?

    Anyone who thinks the Queen doesn’t have any powers shouldn’t be taken seriously on the subject.

  27. It was Prince Harry’s condemned face that said it all.

    As his excited wife Meghan Markle exclaimed ‘I have an idea!’ and loudly demanded a sharpie marker pen, poor Harry looked like a man on Death Row being told his execution date had finally arrived: momentarily stunned but resigned to his fate and the sickening realisation there was nothing he could do about it….What did come next was almost beyond parody….



    Lizards lay eggs 😉

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