The girl with the cad on spat two

Via reader Robert Harries comes this article:

A woman has revealed how a ‘predator’ ex-boyfriend groomed her into a ‘fake relationship’ while living a double life with another girlfriend.

We live in an era in which women’s accounts of being with douchebags are deemed newsworthy.

Catherine Garrod, 38, said she was ‘trapped’ for three and a half years by her ex who started out ‘charming and attentive’. She said they met on Plenty of Fish and he was ‘very keen to progress the relationship’ and settle down ‘like his mum and dad’. He wanted to look at houses and they did within six months, but none of them ‘were ever quite right’ for him. As soon as she ‘committed’, she said he ‘pulled back’. She said the relationship followed this manipulative pattern for months on end where ‘he’d promise the world but deliver nothing’.

A man failing to meet the material expectations of a woman is classed as manipulation now, is it?

Catherine repeatedly tried to end the relationship but he would suddenly become ‘loving and attentive’ again, saying he ‘couldn’t imagine a life without her’.

So she could have left him at any point by walking out the door and not listening to his whining. I was at expecting at least a cellar and a set of manacles.

It wasn’t until she got a phone call from an unknown woman in October last year that she realised it was all a cover for a dark secret. For more than two years he had been living a double life with a secret girlfriend a short drive away.

This would be of marginal interest if you or he were 1) married and 2) famous. You fail on both counts.

The other woman had discovered a WhatsApp message from Catherine on his phone and found her the next day on Facebook.

Teenagers on a wet caravaning holiday would find this story boring.

She told ‘When she found me she assumed I was the affair. But when she went through my Facebook profile she realised we had been together for a long time. ‘She then sent me photos of cards he had written telling her how much he loved her, almost to try and justify that she didn’t know about me. ‘I think she thought I was the primary girlfriend and she was the affair, but I said “I don’t see it like that, I think we’ve both been completely f**ked over.” ‘He was great at writing cards. He was very heartfelt on anniversaries, on birthdays and at Christmas.’ When Catherine saw one of the heartfelt cards, she discovered it was a ‘word for word’ copy to one she received when he was on a ‘work trip’. She added: ‘I discovered when he was holiday with me he would tell her he was away for work.’

The central plot of this story is that a man managed to string along a couple of dunderheads for a while.

Within an hour of talking on the phone they both got in their cars and drove to his parent’s house. That’s when they discovered his family and friends had known about his double life all along.

‘I just don’t understand where their morals were,’ she added. ‘These are the people I thought were nice.’

Well, were they nice to you?

She said: ‘We discovered every move was calculated, every emotion was mimicked, and what we thought was love was an obsession with controlling our lives.

Sorry, what?

‘We both went through a period of being absolutely terrified. We’d come home to our empty homes and check our rooms to see if something had been moved. ‘I was convinced that he’d been here.

How did he get in? Were there signs of forced entry? Or are you insane?

I was having horrendous nightmares. ‘I suffered quite bad anxiety. My whole reality had gone. ‘He had violated my mind and my body. Not only had he controlled my life, but sleeping with somebody who is pretending to be somebody they aren’t, that to me, is physical abuse. ‘I didn’t know who he was. He was pretending to be somebody else and that’s just horrible. ‘You question everything because your whole reality wasn’t real.’

It seems to me as though this period of her life became retrospectively terrifying after she discovered there was another woman in the picture.

Catherine, who lives in Staines, reported him to Surrey Police but said she was told living a double life ‘would not meet the threshold for coercive control’.

And I suspect that was the polite version.

She said: ‘The officer said the CPS just won’t take it on. I said that’s ridiculous and they basically said we don’t necessarily disagree with you but we can only operate within the confines of the law.’ Catherine also accused her boyfriend of threatening to kill her, which Surrey Police did take action on, charging him with domestic assault. But he was later cleared of the charge at Staines Magistrates’ Court in February.

There’s manipulation here all right, but it isn’t coming from the person she says it is.

Catherine has been inspired to share her story after watching Labour MP Rosie Duffield’s account of her own experience of domestic abuse in the House of Commons.

Which I covered here. So an MP uses parliament instead of the changing room at her yoga class to complain about her ex-boyfriend’s non-criminal behaviour, encouraging unhinged women to file complaints with the police over trivial domestic matters brought about largely by their own naivety. And this is progress?

She believes there are more victims like her out there and has set up a website called ‘He Controlled Both of Us’, where victims can come forward, and stay anonymous if they wish to. She has also launched a petition to urge the government to define ‘leading a double life’ as a form of domestic abuse.

Like the upskirting law passed last year, this is another example of women rushing to a policeman every time a man is beastly to her. Modern feminism seems to stunt the development of certain women, leaving them stuck in a teenager’s mentality and unable to cope with the world as they find it.


23 thoughts on “The girl with the cad on spat two

  1. It’s in Metro. Nothing they print can be qualified as “news”.

    Anyway, the key words are “38” and “for three and a half years”. Picture her at 35, desperately wanting to settle down and thus ignoring the many blaring warning signs.

  2. By this definition of domestic abuse I’m guilty several times over, but in Japan it was normal to have several girlfriends (or none). The girls know. They don’t respect a guy only cool enough to get one girl, though they would never admit it.
    Women are also misleading but in different ways. At that age, the main one is pretending to like a fellow when they just want to marry anyone and have kids, or get material security, and the later divorce proves it.
    I don’t have the energy for those shenanigans anymore but I would avoid dating in the West. You might forget a birthday and be arrested for emotional abuse. Plus the approved style of lovemaking: can I hold your hand? Can I kiss you? Can I move my hand six cm further up your leg?
    But there you are in the UK. We might be reading a story about you in the Metro soon when you’re charged with deceptive relations after your polyamorous relationship breaks down when your partners catch you using plasic bags.

  3. Catherine has been inspired to share her story after watching Labour MP Rosie Duffield’s account of her own experience of domestic abuse in the House of Commons.

    So that would be another #MeToo or should that be #MeTwo ?

  4. I used to think Islam was silly for requiring four male witnesses to confirm a charge of rape. I’m starting to come around to the whole “Islam is right about women” thing though.

  5. It’s quite telling that there is not a scrap of self-reflection from these woman on why exactly they make the choice to have relationships with these men.

    The lack of awareness is quite staggering, but not at all surprising. It will be an interesting time when they criminalize there the outcomes from their own actions.

  6. “I’m starting to come around to the whole “Islam is right about women” thing though.”

    Yeap. I’m kind of there, or at least they are mostly right.

  7. Sometimes a slippery slope isn’t a fallacy.

    The results of legislating against people who lie in intimate personal relationships is going to be fascinating, hilarious and tragic in equal measure.

    It also has the potential to criminalise all human relationships.

    I wonder if those in favour of these legal mechanisms have considered the similarity between what they are trying to implement and the situation enforced by the church in earlier times?

    The new morality will be documented and enforced by the godless. The costumes have changed but the intent is the same.

  8. It is called Plenty of Fish, though. Some good angling there. Bait your hook, cast it upon the waters, see what you can pull in. But this is the coarse end of the sport so it’s normal to throw the catch back in at the end of the day. Size limits? Choose your own. But for credibility’s sake, better not to land the really gross ones.

  9. What is the moral of this tale? Is it that one should always have a password on one’s phone which one never shares, especially with the women in one’s life?

    More seriously, where did the guy get the energy to put up with two women — and maybe more, for all we know? He must have been taking vitamin supplements.

  10. “…this is another example of women rushing to a policeman every time a man is beastly to her.”

    The state is the feminists’ substitute for fathers, brothers and husbands.

  11. ‘He Controlled Both Of Us’. Not really getting how he ‘controlled’ either of you.

    This is both the lamest, and the most terrifying, of these sorts of stories I’ve read recently.

  12. I’ll bet “build our daughter’s self-esteem at all cost” was a guiding principle for this woman’s parents. Cognitive dissonance–the internal conflict that occurs when your self-image is contradicted by the objective reality of your behavior–is a very valuable corrective for most people. But when your own self-regard is over-stuffed, due to a lifetime of fawning encouragement for every mundane “achievement,” you get this kind of excessive blame-shifting when personal stupidity leads you down the wrong road.

  13. Feminists are strong and intelligent. That’s why they have to be treated like naive delicate little flowers to keep them from falling to pieces.

  14. Many women like being abused. They will go to great lengths to find the man who fits the abuser profile most closely. If you are a normal, decent sort of chap it pays to mess the woman in your life around from time to time, even if it’s only not taking the garbage out on command. That way she can tell herself that she’s being abused and she’s happy.

  15. I wonder whether they were both attractive intelligent women with a drive to get on and make a life for themselves? Don’t answer that.

    I feel sorry for the bloke actually, must be a nightmare only ever shagging complete imbecillic dogs.

  16. @William
    The results of legislating against people who lie in intimate personal relationships is going to be fascinating, hilarious and tragic in equal measure.

    Once that becomes commonplace, we’ll get the first lawsuit from a woman whose boyfriend came out as gay or trans. Unstoppable Force, meet Immovable Object.

    I’ll get the popcorn.

  17. TDK,

    Yeah, a reader forwarded me that, it’s interesting. If I can find time I’ll blog about it.

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