Over the course of the past year I’ve described a scenario to various people, and been surprised by the reaction of women. Just for fun (and readers interested in serious stuff are free to skip this post), I’ll lay it out here.<\/p>\n
Background:<\/strong><\/p>\n The narrator is in a relationship with Lucy. Ten years before, Lucy had a serious boyfriend called Pete, who she was with for about 2 or 3 years. She said there was a time when she couldn’t bear to be without him, and when they split up it was amicable but they gradually lost touch. The narrator has just looked at Lucy’s social media account.<\/p>\n The scene:<\/strong><\/p>\n I should have given the account a wide berth, but the next morning I opened it. There was a photo of the toy rat, propped on its hind legs against a black ceramic skull she\u2019d brought back from London. I\u2019d been with her when she unwrapped it, and behind her as she took the picture. There was one comment underneath, a single word – \u2018Beautiful!\u2019 – left by Pete. \u2018Thanks!\u2019 Lucy had replied.<\/p>\n My throat tightened as the anger built inside me.<\/p>\n I looked at other photos and found more comments from Pete. I clicked on his profile, and saw comments from Lucy less than a month old. The interaction was ongoing, and in both directions. A photo from Glastonbury caught my eye, the caption alluding to how much he missed it. A sympathetic comment from Lucy lay underneath.<\/p>\n Lucy was outside a long time, probably on the phone with someone. By the time she came back I\u2019d got a grip of myself, and when she sat down I buried my rage and said in a friendly tone, \u2018Can I ask, is there anyone who still holds a candle for you?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018You mean an ex who still likes me?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Yes.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Michael still texts me. He wants to get back together, but there was really nothing there to begin with.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018All right,\u2019 I said, nodding. This didn\u2019t bother me. \u2018Anyone else?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018No,\u2019 she said. \u2018How about you? Any of your exes still interested?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Jane might be, I think. I get messages from her sometimes, asking how I am.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Okay.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018So the rest of your exes – you\u2019re no longer in touch?\u2019 I asked.<\/p>\n \u2018No.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Including those from university?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Yes!\u2019 she said, getting cross. \u2018Why are you asking about this?\u2019<\/p>\n I ignored her and asked, \u2018What about Pete? Are you still speaking to him?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018No.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Not at all?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Why do you keep asking about this?\u2019 she demanded again.<\/p>\n \u2018Lucy,\u2019 I said gently. \u2018Please don\u2019t get mad, I\u2019m just asking some questions and I\u2019m doing it nicely.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Look, if I saw him at a party I might say hello, but I wouldn\u2019t make any special effort.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018So let me ask you something. It\u2019s going to seem like a strange question, but humour me, okay?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Okay.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018If you needed to contact him urgently – for whatever reason – could you do it? Could you get hold of him within twenty-four hours, for example?\u2019<\/p>\n She stared at me in silence. I stared back until she answered the question.<\/p>\n \u2018Well, I might have an email for him somewhere,\u2019 she said, trying to act casual and failing. \u2018I don\u2019t know, I\u2019d have see if I still have it. Why?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019m just wondering. So you still have his email?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018It\u2019s probably somewhere, but like I said, I\u2019d have to look. What\u2019s this about?\u2019 Her temper was building, I had to wrap this up fast.<\/p>\n \u2018So if you wanted to get hold of Pete quickly, you could do it. Is that what you\u2019re saying?\u2019<\/p>\n With a face like thunder she picked up her phone, and I watched in silence as she furiously searched.<\/p>\n After a minute she stopped. \u2018No, see!\u2019 she said triumphantly, showing me the screen. \u2018He\u2019s not in my contacts any more, it\u2019s gone. So no, I couldn\u2019t get hold of him, even if I wanted to.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Okay,\u2019 I said neutrally. \u2018That\u2019s fair enough, thanks.\u2019<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n When I’ve put this to women, their reaction has usually been to doubt that Lucy had lied, saying something to the effect of: “Maybe she didn’t think being in touch meant being friends on social media?” Men are a little less forgiving.<\/p>\n What say you, readers?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Over the course of the past year I’ve described a scenario to various people, and been surprised by the reaction of women. Just for fun (and readers interested in serious stuff are free to skip this post), I’ll lay it … Continue reading