Relative Status

Fellow blogger Adam Piggott writes the following on the subject of whether middle-aged men can pick up much younger women:

However, as I have already stated this all depends on whether or not you have made a man of yourself. What does this entail?

– You have kept yourself in excellent shape with a regular strength training regime.

– You are financially successful.

– You have philosophical depth.

The last point means that you are well rounded and knowledgeable. You have interests, hobbies, and worldly pursuits. You dress and carry yourself well. You can hold your drink as well as hold a conversation.

This is true in a superficial sense and undoubtedly applies to much of the world normal people inhabit, but I don’t think it paints the whole picture. What women are seeking in a man is status, and while financial success and the ability to hold a proper conversation are status markers in some (or even most) circles, they are wholly unnecessary in others.

As regular readers will know, I unwittingly got myself tangled up with an artsy-type in the front-end of last year who had moved from Moscow to America when she was 21, and by 23 was married to a man in his forties (primarily to get a residency visa, but she was attracted to him to some degree). I charitably assumed this chap was some alpha-male banker who prowled the swanky bars of Manhattan in a custom-made suit generously buying women drinks from his six or seven figure salary. Turns out he was a polyamorous hippy who drank too much, couldn’t keep a job for any length of time, and didn’t have two cents to rub together. When I saw his photo I saw a man a head shorter than her and  looking like a taxi driver who works nights.

So what explained her choice? This took me a while to figure out, but I got there in the end. Now this woman had obvious self-esteem and daddy issues she was trying to address, and shortly after arriving in New York she fell into the artsy, Burning Man, hippy scene and adopted it wholesale. This involved a lot of drinking, drugs, and partying with all manner of weirdos and losers, and within this particular group her future husband would have enjoyed a certain status. If nothing else, as a long-term resident of New York with his own place he’d have been able to score drugs more easily than her. The guy who hung around the school gates flogging weed did well with the hot girls too, for the same reasons. The fact that the guy my friend married was by most measures a complete loser didn’t matter because he had a status among his immediate peers and within the group she found herself in. Status is relative, not absolute, and it is this which young women seek in a man.

Of course, this means certain men will deliberately insert themselves in such groups often for the purpose of seeking out those younger women (we’re talking age and availability, not quality here). I have written about this before in response to a Laurie Penny piece:

Why do I get the impression that this individual is not half as normal and decent as Penny is letting us believe. At a guess, I would say he is a slimy fucker of the first water who hangs around lefty circles hoping to get into the knickers of women, usually much younger and with low self-esteem and few morals, throwing out leftist and feminist platitudes to get himself accepted with no further scrutiny. Penny, at nineteen years of age, ought to have stayed well away from him even if she didn’t think he was a rapist.

As Laurie herself says:

He was in his early thirties, a well-liked and well-respected member of a social circle of which I am no longer a part,  a fun-loving, left-leaning chap who was friends with a number of strong, feminist women I admired.  I was nineteen. I admired him too.

Like I said, status is relative. Adam’s criteria are probably accurate if you’re a normal chap seeking a level-headed, sensible woman but there are plenty of other types out there – on both sides.

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18 thoughts on “Relative Status

  1. Adam sounds like a pill to me. Weight training indeed.

    When I first went to the US Americans did no exercise – no pub football, no village cricket, no coarse rugby. Little hill-walking, not even an evening’s badminton every week. They were already moving towards golf as a sedentary sport. Even if they still walked round the course they played at a pace suitable to limping codgers. Maybe there was a bit of tennis in California or Florida but mostly they did bugger all. Perhaps they’d occasionally hide up a tree and take potshots at passing deer. The only noticeable exception to this generalisation was the visit to the bowling alley: the exercise might have been minor but at least it was a social event with a little bit of exertion.

    Since then they’ve largely given up bowling and cultivated anti-social exercise – running and “working out”.

    And I grin, nay smirk, at “philosophical depth”. Apparently it means, inter alia, that you “dress well”. Swipe me for a Dutchman! I think he means you should be a louche lounge-lizard.

  2. Countless studies and our most distinguished evolutionary scientists have proven that many good looking women settle down with less attractive but wealthier older men. And why are women biased towards resources and worldly wherewithal in partner selection? because their foremost need is a mate that can provide for them.

    Older males are also hard wired for a younger attractive female (fertile) and they are also a supportive type and fertile so when he meets up with a younger attractive female (who are attracted to older men with status) of unknown IQ level they can effectively join and can even reproduce if they want to.

    Males do have it tougher though because they retain their fertility for a far longer period than females, the natural attraction is then targeted at a much smaller group of fertile females. This natural attraction of fertility trumps all others and there are plenty of examples of it working quite productively with very old males coupling quite effectively with fertile younger women.

    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/0ClULlbPZBE/hqdefault.jpg

  3. Before status gets a lookin, sense of humour as a proxy for intelligence, is a high priority. A woman needs to enjoy a man’s company if she’s going to spend a long time with him.

  4. Before status gets a lookin, sense of humour as a proxy for intelligence, is a high priority.

    Of course, and this woman told me her husband was very romantic and charming. Which I expect he was, relative to the others in the social circle.

  5. “Bardon, would you please refrain from posting pics of yourself on my blog!”

    Don’t worry Tim you will be fine as although older men are naturally attracted to younger females, because they are within their fertile range, females do not rate physical attractiveness as high as men do. Unless of course you are in a part of the world where parasites are common as physical attractiveness features like a male having a symmetrical face and body is a good indicator of parasite resistance and therefore of higher demand for a women.

    https://books.google.com.au/books?id=6a0qAgAAQBAJ&pg=PA107&lpg=PA107&dq=psychology+why+women+prefer+older+men&source=bl&ots=y7TYlU-x1q&sig=acFoNYB01AJlL2jGokVjaUmqA3w&hl=en&sa=X&ei=vMU-Vf3zOtOmyASngYGgDw&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q=psychology%20why%20women%20prefer%20older%20men&f=false

  6. I would say he is a slimy fucker of the first water who hangs around lefty circles hoping to get into the knickers of women, usually much younger and with low self-esteem and few morals, throwing out leftist and feminist platitudes to get himself accepted with no further scrutiny.

    Sounds like a very good plan to me.

  7. @Bardon,

    I believe that the editor has, somewhere in his photographic archives, a further example of a successful match between an older gentleman and a much younger, and somewhat exotic, female. The gentleman is certainly financially successful and arguably possesses a degree of philosophical distinction.

    Perhaps the editor would be kind enough to print the photograph so that we can judge whether the third pillar, of sartorial elegance, is met?

  8. I believe that the editor has, somewhere in his photographic archives, a further example of a successful match between an older gentleman and a much younger, and somewhat exotic, female.

    I hope that’s not me you’re referring to!

  9. You’re quite right, Tim. I remember from my youth how popular a couple of roadies were, although they were just guys who carried stuff for bands you’d barely heard of.

  10. Easiest way for a beta to do better with women is to move to Japan or elsewhere in Asia as the bar is instantly dropped.

  11. The funniest part of this is the fact women, to a large degree, are completely oblivious to the reasons they are selecting these males. They seem to have some mechanism that allows them to ascribe a long list of qualities to a guy that are completely invisible to anyone else.

  12. I remember from my youth how popular a couple of roadies were, although they were just guys who carried stuff for bands you’d barely heard of.

    An excellent example!

  13. The funniest part of this is the fact women, to a large degree, are completely oblivious to the reasons they are selecting these males. They seem to have some mechanism that allows them to ascribe a long list of qualities to a guy that are completely invisible to anyone else.

    Lol, yes!

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