One flu over the cuckold’s nest

There have been a few articles like this doing the rounds:

What It’s Like to Isolate With Your Girlfriend and Her Other Boyfriend

Humiliating and degrading, I expect.

“They have a two-bedroom apartment here, so I have been staying in the guest room. For the last couple of nights Megan’s slept in bed with me. But then last night, she fell asleep with me, and I woke up alone. I guess at some point in the night she went to Kyle’s room and slept with him.”

Even the Black Death would be preferable to this.

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17 thoughts on “One flu over the cuckold’s nest

  1. “last night, she fell asleep with me, and I woke up alone. I guess at some point in the night she went to Kyle’s room and slept with him.”

    But then we found she had gone and hanged herself in the stairwell.

  2. I think if any man is ever contemplating joining a 3-way relationship he should at least have the basic fucking common sense to ensure that it’s him plus 2 members of the fairer sex.

  3. The Chinese – for it is they – have some interesting cultural insight embedded in their written language.

    For example, there is a character that means “woman”. When paired with the character that means “son”, this pair becomes the adjective “good”.

    When you have two of the character “woman”, it means “argument”.
    If those two characters are enclosed in a box (which denotes a house), the whole thing becomes the word “trouble”.

    “plus 2 members of the fairer sex.”

    Common sense might suggest otherwise. 🙂

    Also, welcome back Tim.

  4. One of your greatest hits was on a publicity-hungry middle-aged just-turned-author who a few weeks ago got the BBC to make a short film about her and for a couple of days it featured on the front page of bbc.co.uk!

    https://www.bbc.com/reel/video/p0833y0x/the-unexpected-benefits-of-having-multiple-lovers

    You can tell the editorial stance from the title…

    She has also founded https://alethya.com which is a platform for “developing extraordinary conscious relationships” via “workshops”, lectures and therapy – the fact she now provides therapy and mentoring suggests the writer thing hasn’t really taken off yet. This kind of thing:

    As an experienced woman and writer as well as a reflective listener, I can help with support around all forms of relationships, including the one you have with yourself. I am able to discuss BDSM and can support and help with any level of exploration of this area as well as recommend resources and further support should you need more professional advice. I offer a judgment free space to discuss all and any intimate concerns and for any form of relationship, monogamous to non, vanilla, straight or LGBTQ+

  5. Looking back at your original piece https://www.desertsun.co.uk/blog/6505/ and the Guardian article that inspired it https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jan/20/why-i-chose-polyamory-anita-cassidy it’s noteworthy just how much you got right or how predictable they whole trajectory was.

    That wealthy greying financial adviser husband who looks like he is utterly cringing in that awful Guardian photo where she is being held by him and her younger lover? How he must wish he could get the Graun to take that one down! Anyway worth rereading all her blurb about keeping the things that work with her husband, coparenting, cohabiting, telling the kids it’s just that mummy needs more than one perdon to make her happy, “I’m not sure our marriage would have worked without opening it up”, the joint counselling sessions, then comparing the picture she painted to the one Tim read into it versus the actual results…

    Now separated? Check

    Now divorced? Check

    She got the kids? Check (don’t think that’s in the BBC film but it’s in her blog)

    She took over the house? Well surprisingly not. Moved to a flat in London to start her new life as a creative author (writing novels about poly) and relationship adviser (also all things poly).

    She is now a world famous best-selling novelist? https://www.amazon.co.uk/Appetite-Anita-Cassidy/dp/1910453471 Not by this evidence so file under no surprise there – though 31 amazon reviews is a wee bit better than a certain blogger of our acquaintance. Only a wee bit though and it is hardly as if he made a great living off it, so this might explain the branching out into relationship adviser. She did get a TED talk out of it though, in top of the BBC and Graun coverage, so fair to say she has a better handle by far on getting publicity. (Bearing that in mind, 31 amazon reviews is an even worse return on the effort though!)

    Couple of years on, still with her Italian Imperial-grad data geek boy? Well yes, though there is interesting tension in the BBC film when they discuss how she got upset he had been boning some other lady on Valentine’s day… I’ll be honest and file the stability of this relationship under “not entirely expected”. Does seem to like men who (presumably massively) outearn her which is disappointingly conventional. Quick glance on mumsnet and how soon the hordes there suggest splitting from a guy who isn’t “pulling his weight anymore” shows how staidly middle-class that is. Isn’t this all supposed to be about being edgy? How dull.

  6. >Ah, a welcome return to blogging, just in time for ‘Post Title of the Month’…!

    Newman should be banned from the contest for dereliction of duty. And also because you are encouraging his inner Tim Vine, and that will never do.

  7. “Only a wee bit though and it is hardly as if he made a great living off it, so this might explain the branching out into relationship adviser”

    I very much doubt this is motivated by money, more the desire to fuck other people’s lives up just as much as she has done for her’s.

  8. @David Moore

    Might well be something in that. Not necessarily a purposefully malign intent, but the need to establish and feel part of a “community” of likeminded thinkers. Because if you get subjected to the scrutiny of Joe Average all the time – heck, even the comments section of the Guardian which is usually very liberal minded turned out to have no mercy on her, and I dread to think what a lot of her family and (now former?) friends made of it all – then you’re going to feel pretty isolated. Being surrounded by people who are positive and nonjudgmental and remind her she did the right thing by shafting that husband who jumped through so many hoops for her, must be far more comforting. So poly “community organising” must be a welcome break. And being a relationship adviser to people who feel confused about the pain in their own lives, must be very affirming about what a sage you are.

    The thing that strikes me as oddest is the way she repeatedly professes she possesses some extraordinary insight that ordinary unquestioning mortals have closed themselves off to, and yet what she wrote when she was still with her husband was so obviously unrealistic. A whole bunch of things have happened since which always looked inevitable (like that her relationship with her husband was not sustainable and she couldn’t just continue to cherry-pick what she wanted from it) but would apparently have come as a great surprise to her at the time. I would never set myself up as a relationship adviser, but at least I’d have seen most of her future path coming from a mile away…

    How can someone who writes relationship books and organises workshops and speaks an entire language of self-acknowledgement and deep conscious understanding, nevertheless have such a complete lack of self-awareness and a total blind spot for the feelings of those closest to her?

  9. Oh Noes!

    Burning Man has just been cancelled – what will all the “polys” do now for their annual doses of infections?

  10. “How can someone who writes relationship books and organises workshops and speaks an entire language of self-acknowledgement and deep conscious understanding, nevertheless have such a complete lack of self-awareness and a total blind spot for the feelings of those closest to her?”

    That is a good question. Can I suggest it’s exactly that sort of person who has a complete lack of self awareness that is most likely to follow this career for exactly that reason, the complete lack of self awareness!

    They are driven by the need to fill their own need, not others. That was my experience of a particular person at least!

  11. Any bloke that lets himself get in that position pretty much deserves what he gets. The opposite on the other hand is fine 🙂

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